Wednesday, December 26, 2018

I bid adieu


22nd of August in 2013, I first came to Surabaya and on 22nd of December in 2018, I flew one way flight to Makassar. I am home for good (again). 2013-2018 was indeed a very colorful period in my life. Never in a minute, that I was putting to stay still. Things were dynamics, were ups and downs, and were ended in unexpected twist. Nevertheless, everything does not leave me in regrets, but a grateful heart. This post is about me saying 'good byes' to things that have given me so much life. I will divide it into 3 parts.

First of all, I bid adieu for Surabaya. I am going to go home for good. I have spent almost 3 and a half year in Surabaya and 1 and a half in Malang. Total 5 years. The conversation was just carried in the afternoon, a day before my departure. My big boss asked me..
"How many years you have been away from home?"
"5 years working with you and 4 years for college. Total 9 years sir"
"so... what have you learned for all these years?
I answered... "I know my self better. I meet my self" As in fact, I think that confidence is everything, and you need to know yourself well to be confident in yourself.
I believe tha a person needs to go out from her/his comfort zone at least once in a lifetime to know the real taste of world. A better understanding of oneself since you will deal everything by yourself.
Indeed as one has said... "Travel far and you'll meet yourself"


Surabaya is a wonderful city. People are more civilised compared to Makassar, my home town. Compared to other cities in Indonesia in general. You can see it on the road. People know the rules. Talking about the people, they are more professional too. The hospitality in on another level. Small or big places, most of the staff has a certain level in serving. I will miss ths the most. The customer service is sincere for most cases. Second, I will miss Pecel Tumpang so much. One of the few foods that I can only find in East Java. First, I hated it, but I grew fond of it more and more. Third, I will miss seeing pork menu on public place, like food courts in some area. Many restaurants in the hotels or in certain area will serve pork.

pecel tumpang
Now, I am going to bid adieu for 2018.
It is no easy year as well, but things are getting revealed. The bads and the goods. It teaches me to see in every sides. By that, I know what I did wrong, and what I did right. I learn not to blame on oneself , and I understand not everyone is on the same level of understanding about this.2018 has another plot twisted ending, but it surely for a better thing. I cant wait about 2019. Dreams and to do list are written and I know that trust the timing...
2018 is a year full of sweet escapes, a year full of tests, a year full of heartwarming stories, another year to fight for. This year I went to Semarang in Chinese New Year, I went o Matt Maher's concert, and Project Pop!!!
August 2018

I met Rina in 2018 June
Lastly, I am going bid adieu for my 20s, in 4 months, I am going to enter 30hood with a better personality. I know what I lack, and what I am good at. I was losing my self in the beginning of 2018 because I did not trust my self. I have values that I ignored. I did not fight back because I forgot how strong I am. All the things happened in 2018 especially in December made me understand that I am strong that is why people felt intimidated, and it was not my fault.

Also, I am going to bid adieu to Blogpost. Strawbearies will be continued in Wordpress platform with more thoughtfull posts. Thank you blogpost for being a home for Strawbearies for 7 years!!!!!

For the 2019 Chendani, I will walk with my head up, but with a tied toungue to say things that are not destructive. But, I am not going to be fake because I am not. All these experiences in Java taught me to be wise with my words. This Chendani is good enough, but there is no reason why I shouldn't be better :)

So 2019...

let's do it!
CVB

Friday, October 5, 2018

Trust the Timing of Your Life

Timing is indeed everything.


Though, I don't feel that today is my day. My head felt heavy,  I had a fever, I got stressed from works, communications broke down, I travelled far to eat certain menu, but the menu is sold out. It did not feel good at all.

Timing.... I remember the Three Wise Monkeys "See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil" accusing people to just be good. This post can be counted as the next episode of my previous post of being 30, being single, and being woman. It will be from another point of view. On the previous post I talk about what people should think about my situation right now. On this post, it can be an encouragement to keep moving forward.


Sometimes, a heavy feeling came to me when I saw my newsfeed full of friends getting married, my high school friends in her 29 years old already had 2 adorable kids, I saw many romantic posts, and so on. Things that other people got looking better. But, then I realize... perhaps they too get jealous seeing my posts. Hopping on the train after buying the ticket two days before, travelling to mountains, seas, and some foreign countries. Seeing me posting about how I spent my day off in a spa. Many of my married friends did say this to me "enjoy it while you are single...".This thought came across my mind as well 'they might have a great husband or boyfriend,  but I have the coolest dad in the world where many does not have a beautiful relationship like I do with their fathers'

Thus, I dare to see no evil. What I got is as beautiful as what people got because we got different packages.


Some says positive things about me being single, some says negative things about it. More about me being a boss. As a boss, what ever you are doing, you will walk alone. That's my senior said to me, and it is indeed true. Often times, people in the office are not happy about my actions. Maybe I am too strict, maybe I am too nosy. On the other side, my boss said I am too weak, I can be stricter. So, you can imagine I got pressed between the sides, and it all happened everywhere! But hey... I got hired and was given the responsibility. So bear with it. People are appreciating me if they see the results. That happened too on my previous job. So, I have nothing to worry about. Additionally, my boss is finally acknowledging my hard working. He trusted me in the first place, and that meant a lot.Results speak louder. I am not a perfect leader, but ....

 I decided to hear no evil. Good things will be revealed. Good will wins.



As many happy newsfeed about marriage and babies, I just heard a story of my married friend. She became stressed and depressed because she is not as free as before. I mean, of course once you married, you bound to more responsibility, but her movements are literally limited. She hasn't been out almost a year by herself or with her friends because her husband tells her so. Others just got divorced. There are indeed unhappy things behind what we thought is the happy ending. Good career, marriage, babies.

In the end, I choose to speak no evil because Life is unpredictable. Everything has good and bad. It depends on what you want to see.  I let my intuition leads.



For now, I will work on what I got. I still have dreams. I still want to build a family. I know what I want to be, and don't want to be. I am telling the universe these, and let it does the magic.


Because... words are heard...

This morning, I just got a happy update from a friend who waits for her true love for almost 2 years. Finally, she got the answer she wants to hear. She decided to give up if the guy did not give her direct statement. Then the timing is come. I believe in her experince that you just need to trust the timing of your life. Make the right decisions and choices without giving up easily. Not letting fear over powered you. Not letting the evil pressed you.

Door closes, there are always other buildings to explore.
There is always a good smell on heavy rains and rainbows after that.

I am always blessed.  There are always opened paths every time I want to go for another stage.

So... yes.. once again...

Trust the Timing of Your Life..

Like a saying says...

"Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is Possible..."



Cheers
CVB

Monday, September 10, 2018

Being 30, Being Single, Being a Woman

You might have a good guess about what I am going to write. The title has stated all about it. I strangely have a feeling that I was going to be one of these women 4-5 years back then. Being 30, single, and because I am a woman, I have more stories to tell.. haha...

Stereotyping episode...
Oh people love it, and not rare that they live within it. They actually enjoy it. It is a short cut. I am not defending my self nor offending people who love assuming so much. I just want to share about my tale as a woman, in her thirty and still single. I am not stereotyping, but this is what I got a lot. What I am about to write is purely my experience and my point of view only. I did not have intention to write a whole complete essay along with research about other woman. I want to see if there are other people have had experiences like me. I might be sounded segmented, perhaps stereotyping as well, or maybe generalizing but again this is purely about my life.

"Mbak sudah kerja?" - do you work?
"Sudah berkeluarga?" - have you married?
"Oh kejar karier ya..." - oh you have chosen career path huh? when I answered I haven't married.
These are most likely the scenario I got when people are asking about me, work, and my marital status, and they would come to a conclusion that I was pursuing my career instead of getting married.
I often felt rage about it. I want to shout out to their face saying "It is not my choice that my career path seems easier than chosing a husband"
"It is not my choice that I want to stay single"
"It is not my choice to be more successful in work"
"It is all blessings..."

I am not bragging, but things are a little bit easier towards my career path than my relationship. And, I am grateful about it. I am not feeling down about it though again, society in country where I live is often giving me prejudice that I am a bit too picky and workaholic; thus, woman like me stay single. It would have been true. There's a saying that man likes if they can control their woman, or in other words, they like to be superior than their woman. I am not denying this, and I actually look forward to a man who is "more" than me. However, as the bar set high, those groups are narrowed down.
For example, I am an abroad graduate, have a good career, people would say that it could backfire me.

I have seen a video from a show called Kick Andy - Kapan Kawin "When get married"
There were three guests, they were women in their late thirties, they were all successful, one of them got married in the middle of their thirties, two others haven't been married yet. One of the guests stated this...
"I did not choose to be single, I just haven't found the right person, and it seems my career path is just more compromising"
It was a show from three years ago. It was my "Halelujah" moment. I screamed out loud in my heart agreeing what she said. Therefore, I want to share it with you. I am about to turn thirty less than a year. I am still single, and I have a good career path for only 5 years working. I am not ashamed about it. I am writing this because I am so sick about what people think about woman who is succesful in their career but they haven't been married.
Kick Andy, copyright

The next scenario followed is "You are too picky" episode.
Oh come on...
It might be more a fact that I turn out a little bit too picky. I turned down guys who wanted to approach me before they asked me out for a date if I dont see we would match.I am not looking for a guy based on their economy status, I am not looking for a guy who is abroad graduate, I simply look somebody that matches me and in one frequency with me. Match my quirkiness and appreciate my independence. I might be too independent, many people have said to me that it is why men are afraid to approach me. I am not denying that it my be the truth. However, girls should not change to match the certain criteria of what boy likes. My ex was one of the examples that girl should not change their personality for people to like them. We went out together because he appreciated my independence and we even were in long distance relationship. It did not work because of other matters.
I remember a movie quote - Sabtu Bersama Bapak - One of the characters said
"perlu dua orang yang sama-sama kuat untuk bisa bersama dan menjalani kehidupan pernikahan"
Needs two strong people together so they can live their marriage life, and I couldn't agree more.

Sabtu bersama Bapak, copyright

I value all cultures since I have lived in different places, different countries, met a lot of people from different cultures. However, one of things that I still hardly tolerate is the strong assumption and this whole stereotyping. I know the world cannot change in one night, but I just want to express my self in this writing. Saying, that I am a woman, I am single, I am thirty years old, I have a good career, and I don't choose to be one, but it is all just by His grace. And, I am thankful for the way it is.

To all the girls out there who experience the similar situation with me, please don't be discourage. Keep the bar within your range. The right person will come in the right time. Open heart, open mind, embrace those who acknowledge your independence, your beauty, and your knowledge.

Once Dian Sastrowardoyo has said...
"The sexiest organ a woman has, is brain..."


I am in the stage where I am not afraid to be single. I do know my self that I want somebody who can be my life witness as I am going to be his life witness as well.


Geez people, stop judging.


CVB

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Marking my 5 Years!!!

My last post was in February, works have been occupying me for months. I think this is the right time to get back to the game. However, I am thinking to transmittingmy personal blog to wordpress platform as well. I have been writing in blogspot for 7 years! wow. Anyhow, please enjoy this story about me and my relationship withmy job.
I have been creating this post for many many times in my head. I just think I want to share about what I am actually doing. People may or may have not known what I am actually doing for living. I can say I am a student consultant. A person who consults people studying abroad. Which country is good for long term stay, which major I should attend, how much living cost to spend, the visa process, and et cetera... Sometimes, I take part as a family consultant. Not rarely, that my clients are becoming my long term friend. Maybe I took my job too personal sometimes, but in the end, I have been doing this for five solid years.
This job is actually more than just a consultation. I can go to another country for agent convocations, familiarize trips to universities, meeting another student consultant from another country. Get free stuff, from pens, notes, tumbler, USB to clutch. I can meet a lot of people from different country, and learn to be professional. Handling priority clients. But, as any newbie, I started roughly. I had a hard time to tune in for about 6 months, but slowly I could climb up and here I am writing to you in my fifth year working.

Not imagining that I can be where I am since I started to move to Surabaya in 2013.
This August marking my 5 years living and working here. Started from scratch as a student consultant. Undeniably annoying new comer, spoiled little brat, low in sales, climbed up little by little and be the second best consultants  in the end of my second year working, I could be the best consultant if I did not focus on other thing. In the end of my second year,  I was promoted to another city to open a new branch.. I moved to Malang in 2015, opening a new branch there. Again, started from zero. No marketing events, only one other consultant, no car, no driver, only one small room in another office. Surviving for almost two years without marketing events, door to door to schools. Took me 4 or 5 months until the teachers finally recognized me as Chendani from Vista. Working as a scanner, a consultant, admission, administrative officer, and driver, and occasionally a manager. Had the best two duos that made us The STRONG Tiga Srikandi.
My life has not be just as quiet as I wished, I was called back to the head quarter branch for managing the dying office. Working and battling to climb up the stairs once again, now with the whole team. Bruised, falling down, tackled, mentally broken, but again... I survived. And here I am... as a center manager in the head quarter office.
Me and my job is love and hate relationship. There are times when I went back home and said to my self "ohhh I love my job," but there is also other time when I felt too lazy to go to work. I know I have to go to work wih a load of responsibility on my shoulders. I need to work it out so it does no feel like a burden. Facing a series of dynamic personalities, encounter many smiles and frowns, facing a lot of regulations, and yet I go to that damn office every day for 5 blessing yeas haha....

I really do in love with this job. Consultation is always exciting. You can feel it is like a first blind date. You can feel connected immediately or not. Then, you schedue the second meeting, and you have to be in contact for over a year before the kid goes to school. And when you hear no news about them meaning it is a good news .There are few of those who will send you farewell or thank you message along with cookies in a jar, or a simple gift before they leave pursuing their dream. I think I have a cool job.

I secretly enjoy whenever I need to wear my red heels and black blazer for an event in five star hotels. People would be swarming in, and I would talk for over 5 hours almost nonstop hahaha.. Exhausting but thrilling at the same time. I am now inthe position where I usually got invited to more important events with immigration, a country delegation, or schools director. Also because I am stationed in the head quarter, I oftenly got to greet my big boss' guests. It makes me practice my hospitality.
Working as a student consultant is aint easy. You hold half of responsiility for one's future. It is not only a sales working, but it is indeed a consultation, sometimes consolotaion, and it is all about confidence. My confident is the one that people buy.

Holding my confidence high is another story. There were many times I felt down. I felt insecure. Did I do a good job? Did I do a right thing? I sometimes questioned my self. However, I am thankful for this journey because it was never static. I was always moving. Climbing up step by step. Finally these past months I just realize, oh wow I am considered as a senior here. People could rely on me, on my decision, on my saying.
I am not perfect, there were times people questioned about me, but there were a few of those who kept faith in me; thus, I am here telling you proudly that I have ben surviving for 5 blessing years.

Happy anniversary to me.
Good Job little survivor.

Thank you for you who talk bad behind my back, kicking my insecurity so I can do beter
Thank you for those who listen to me so I can survive
Thank you for those who trust me... so I can trust my self too.


Thank you
CVB

Friday, February 16, 2018

Dibalik Retina - Chinese New Year 2018

It is a strange feeling to see all those reds emerged with the whole other colors, other race, other religions, in the place where incents are burned, and one particular ethnicity is praying.
Pink, blue, orange, black hijabs and kaftans are around Sam Poo Kong temple in Semarang. Chinese classic songs were sang in a rock style out loud while other people were praying intensely for a good year ahead. Trashes, ashes are all over the places.

I have a mixed feeling about this. As always. I felt great seeing other religions from other races were coming to a place where they were not originally belong to celebrate what they originally not celebrating. Some of them were wearing red colors too even a barongsai head on top of their hijab. Nevertheless, my heart felt a bit sad when seeing those people who were praying intensely while everybody else was taking selfies or sat seeing them praying like I did. I was walking around and took some pictures of them praying. What more sad about it, the statue of gods were sat by children and plastic bottles were put or even thrown carelessly around the statues like they were only statues.

Still, I am impressed. Those litters, those people were not hiding the beauty of the temple and the sacred place. I was noted that people still had some respect to not sitting in the prayer area, and not chatty while they were praying. I could see that this is good enough for us Indonesian. Scenery like this was not seen often in other place. It still left me a good thought that tolerance still here where different races and religions were being united as one.

In the end of the day, I thought I made a good decision to come to Semarang on Chinese New Year.

Happy Chinese New Year 2018 every one...
May many good things are coming to this year.

CVB

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Good Habits Revival

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!!!!
It's been a week.... I am totally feeling it, everything starts pretty fresh.
I could finally tidy my room up after a year! YES! A YEAR!

I have been living in a semi cow den, everything is clustered around. I finally make my "dream come true" by tiding it up. My excuse last year was definitely - no mood - excuse. I was so immersed by stuff that I did not know what was it exactly. This year, after having a very good 10 days vacation back home. I can say, I find the rhythm again.

I chose to put the title as above because I think that new year is not just about new things. We should not just list all the new things we want to do; indeed, it is a new start, but we could start with reviving our good deeds alive. I am in my late 20s, next year I will enter the glorious 30s, and I am somewhat excited about it.
Nevertheless, this new year makes me halt a little bit, and think back that I have done pretty well in some parts of my life. I was able to finish school finely within one and a half year after a devastated two and half year earlier. I could lose weight about 12 kg within 7 months. I could save up to good certain amount of money back in 2014-2015. I could survive without using my credit card. I could go swimming every day. I could do the house chores without failing, tidying up my room and bathroom. Fixed my own breakfast happily. I could produce good reviews in my other blog regularly. But, honestly, in 2017, everything was falling apart. My problem was I did not put good amount of energy to these positive things; instead, I used it for surviving every day. And oh... phone. I put away my phone for a while. Instagram and Pinterest consumed too much of my time.

In the end of 2017, I did well, I survived, but just did not achieve what I aimed. I know that I could do these good habits, I could achieve what I aim. Therefore, by the beginning of January 2018, especially this weekend, I finally did it. I am building up a good old habit by simply tidy my room and bed up. Get rid of "garbage." I cleaned every spot in my room, and made a promise to my self to keep this up till it becomes a habit. Same with financial and weight things. I gained too much for the past year, it almost reached the same weight when I was "the fattest." Stress did a lot of part in it, and lack of exercise of course. In the middle of 2017, I did well in maintaining my weight, I even had a toned body for several months. Those holidays and stress flushed it away. haha.

Anyway, here is y simple top 5 things in 2018 that I want to do as my habit. It is more like reviving my good old habit.
1. Morning Glory Habit: fix my bed, having a good breakfast
2. Swimming more regularly
3. Saving up regularly every single month
4. Cleaning up every week
5. Say Grace every day.





Simply cliche, but trust me, it will work. It will give you a lot of positive sides to have a routine in your life.
These days, I have been thinking about bad and good habit of oneself. I see trough the older people and younger people. Why do some older people seem do not learn from their mistakes? Why do some older people keep their bad habit? As I learned psychology as my major, I knew that personality cannot be changed, but it can be added. Thus, while I know what I did wrong, I want to change and keep growing. Maybe, when I am older, I could be that annoying lady, or I can gracefully grow older. Be wiser. I chose to be the later one.

I did well for #28GoingStrong.
I begin 2018 with this hashtag - #RoadtoFabs30. Being 30 is not something that I should be ashamed with. For many people, 30 is their fabulous turning point. I chose to embrace 30 with grateful heart and purer heart. And may I add, a little more sexy body. haha. oh well, we will see what will come out by this end of this year.

2018 Goals
1. Be relax, and keep forward
2. No proscatination
3. Save up more
4. More discipline
5, Financially more independent

All in all, my future goal is not something extravagant. I just want to grow old gracefully and wisely.

I hope we all chose the right things to do while we do have time.



CVB

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving Note - #28GoingStrong

Hey you little survivor,
Congratulations for being alive and live to this very moment. I know this year is began with some darkest cloud towards in the middle of the year, but you are still surviving, and not neglecting life. Thank you for fighting even though you fell, got pushed, and alone
, you still woke up. Bruised, but keep going.

Thank you for the lit in your heart that you keep holding no matter how big the wind blows, you still have that light of faith. That everything will be OK.

Hey you little survivor,
I am grateful that you are not giving up even if you actually can give up.
I am grateful that you are still faithfully believe in me, and still in love with me.
I am grateful that you are back to your true self after all the things happened to you.
I am grateful that you are being you...

Sincerely,
Life...

#attitudeforgratitute



CVB

Monday, November 20, 2017

Surat Cinta kepada Masa Lalu

Hai masa lalu

kau selalu membuatku menangis, atau tersenyum hanya karena sekelebat batangan memori yang berdiam sejenak di pikiran. Kadang ingatan itu sedikit termodifikasi, atau masih lekat sejelas baru terjadi hari kemarin.

Kupilih kejadian setahun lalu, mencarinya di selubungan selaput frontal cortex, dan berusaha untuk memutarnya lagi. Kata orang hidup di masa lalu itu tak baik. Harus menyambut hari esok dengan gagah berani. Tapi, buatku, esok ada karena ada hari kemarin. Aku ada di sini, hanya ingin mengingat sebuah kejadian bahagia yang bisa membuat aku tersenyum bangga dengan apa yang aku peroleh sekarang.

Kepingan memori itu sederhana, hanya sebuah kejadian kurang lebih 12 jam di suatu hari Minggu. Aku disambut sebuah senyuman manis yang tulus. Ditemani telinga yang setia mendengar. Dan hanya sebuah keberadaan. Sesederhana itu. Ceritanya bukan yang megah. Hanya kisah dua orang bertemu saling melepas rindu ditemani dua es kopi di kedai tak bernama.

Hai masa lalu... jangan kira aku ingin mengulanginya. Tidak, aku tidak ingin. Aku hanya penasaran, seperti apa nanti kejadian yang serupa di masa mendatang, dengan pribadi yang sama, di situasi yang berbeda. Cerita seperti apa akan kejadian?

Aku menulis ini seperti sedang bercerita dengan teman lama. Kau tahu, hai masa lalu, aku ingin mengucapkan terima kasih sekali lagi, karena walaupun cerita-cerita itu sudah menjadi lembaran yang terlewati, aku masih merasa tak kesepian ketika mengingat-ingatnya lagi.

Hai masa lalu,
baik-baik di sana...

Jangan sering memanggilku lagi, karena bukan aku tidak menyayangimu, tetapi karena aku perlu meniti cerita lain biar buku ini penuh.

Hai masa lalu, aku yakin kau mengerti.

Hey masa lalu...
satu yang tak berubah...
apapun yang terjadi padaku hari ini tak akan merubah perasaanku terhadapmu...

Tiap hari aku mengucap syukur untuk semua kisah yang terjadi.

Salam hangat
CVB


Friday, November 10, 2017

Let me be ... sad

For months I have been trying to stand strong. To stand still. To keep doing what I am doing. But, I think I want to pick today as my "leash out" day.

I am sad.

The wounded heart is not healed yet. It relapses.
You might look at me as a strong individual, but today I am allowing my self to be vulnerable. Embracing the ache. Swallowing it. Let my nerves feeling all the pain.

I am sad.

Not because I regret things happened, but because I am still grateful of what has been done, and deep in heart longing for more. A longer episode. Still, the episode has ended. Next chapter has been not revealed yet.

I am sad.

Not because I cannot turn back the time, but because I need to carry on while my heart is still wounded. Keep doing what I am doing while healing my self.

I am sad.

Because as human being, I never satisfy. Craving for more morphine than I should take.

I am sad.

I know all things happened for the good, but still, I am sad and feeling like being ungrateful.



I am in love with life, but just... today, I want to be selfish and hate it only for today

for I want to be selfish.

Let it be.

Because after taking a break, then I can comeback fully charged again. Better than today.
So, let me be sad

Because sadness is necessary to keep my humanity.




CVB

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Judulnya Bercengkrama

Kata orang duduk sendiri itu tak baik
Sibuk sendiri pun tak baik
Mana mana tak baik sendiri
Kecuali hati sedang risih... dibiarkanlah sendiri
Biar pusingnya tak berbagi...

Biarkan duduk berbagi di meja
Satu sedang berencana
Pikiran lain sedang berkelana
Tetap saja judulnya bercengkrama

Biar tak usah sendiri

CVB

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Indahnya Jazz, Merdunya Gunung (Jazz Gunung 2017)

Alam, jazz, dan Maliq and d'essentials serta Monita yang membuat aku tidak pikir panjang untuk langsung cari informasi lebih lanjut soal Jazz Gunung 2017. Dan, pada akhirnya... there I was, sitting on the amphitheater at Jiwa Jawa resort, sumringah lebar sekali menonton semua artis favoritku, menyanyi gila-gilaan dengan lagu-lagu yang aku suka, dan merasakan dingin 12 derajat celcius di Indonesia.


Aku bilang konser Jazz Gunung itu seperti pertunjukan Magic. Semuanya terasa ajaib. Mulai dari background panggung yang dihiasi gunung-gunung dari jauh, pohon-pohon tinggi, burung atau kupu-kupu yang sesekali terbang melintas, dan musik. Aku nggak tahu mereka bikinnya gimana, tetapi aku mau kasih 10 jempol untuk krunya. Sound konser hari itu flawless. One more time, it was FLAWLESS. Tidak ada gaung, tidak ada missed, tidak ada adegan suara ngilang, dan hello, kita di alam terbuka, di gunung. Belum lagi kalau aku sudah sebut satu-satu artis yang tampil di konser dua hari satu malam itu.

Tidak perlu waktu yang lama untuk aku langsung mutusin bahwa tahun 2017 is my year to experience Jazz Gunung. Tahun ini line upnya adalah
Dewa Budjana
Indra Lesmana
Ring of Fire
Charged Particles,
Monita
Dira Sugandi and Trio Sri Hanuraga
Glenn Fredly, dan Maliq and d'essentials.
Done, I am done here.



Aku paling excited untuk Maliq. Udah lama tahu kalau live performance dari one of my favorite Indonesian band ini emang topcer. Dan oh my, exceeded my expectation indeed!
Monita is another thing. Nggak tahu kenapa albumnya yang terakhir (Dandelion) is the beauty of music. Sungguhan. I love every single song in it. Very cheerful and couraging.
Dira Sugandi and Trio Sri Hanuraga is my hidden gem this year. Dira Sugandi is famous of her great vocal and I was once bumped into their covers of Indonesian traditional songs, seperti Kicir Kicir, Manuk Dadali, Ayam Den Lapeh, and so on, and traditional song with jazz? oh yes, I am in.
Dan Glenn Fredly oh Glenn Fredly. Because of his performance back in 2003 I then finally knew that Indonesia has great singers.

Tapi, kalau mau jujur aku cukup penasaran dengan penampilan Ring Of Fire arahan Djaduk Ferianto. Tiap tahun selalu menggandeng banyak musisi dari berbagai macam background. Tapi, yang pasti selalu mengawinkan musik jazz dan irama tradisional. Pernah aku lihat projeknya jazz campur gamelan Bali. Elemen musik tradisional dicampur dengan jazz. Kapan lagi bisa lihat saxophone dimain barengan dengan seruling sunda.

Semuanya udah cukup buat aku untuk niat ke Jazz gunung 2017. Begitu nemu informasi, ternyata dapat deal yang cukup bagus. Nggak hanya Jazz Gunung, aku akhirnya beli paket wisatanya juga sekalian. Ke air terjun Madakaripura, gunung Bromo dan teman-temannya.Bisa cek Berangan tour



Day 1, 18 August 2017.

Jam 4 sore, kami (me, my cousin, and two other companions) memasuki daerah Jiwa Jawa Resort tempat konser Jazz Gunung diadakan. Dari jauh, kita udah bisa dengan para MC udah membuka acara sore itu. Setelah dapat tempat duduk, langsung aku terpukau sama semuanya. Kita nontonnya di amfiteater terbuka dengan panggung yang membelakangi pucuk pohon-pohon tinggi, dan bisa lihat jajaran pegunungan dari kejauhan. Opening act hari itu adalah Surabaya All Stars, and amboy! Never underestimate the power of local artists. Surabaya All Stars adalah salah satu grup musik yang udah lama wara wiri mencoba merawat jazz di Surabaya. Para musisinya memang sudah sedikit berumur, tapi yang namanya musik jazz emang nggak pernah mati. Lagu-lagu klasik Jazz seperti Cheek to Cheek, LOVE, dan lain-lain ramai disambut para penonton, dan nggak cuma itu aja, lagu dangdut alamat palsu sukses dibuat jazz tapi nggak meninggalkan warna dangdutnya. and the star of that opening act is lagu "It's My Life"nya Bon Jovi yang dibawain dengan gaya jazz! But, please... please picture this in your head, yang membawakan lagu tersebut adalah laki-laki berperawakan tidak begitu besar, dengan rmabut gondrong sedada, dikuncir, ada kumis tipis, dengan jaket kulit. Tampang boleh rock, tetapi jiwa tetap jazz.

Lalu disambung dengan Charged Particles dari America. I could say, it was a very typical American JAzz group. Lumayan menarik. Jadi, biasanya tiap hari konsernya akan disuguhkan pertunjukkan musik jazz pure atau penyanyi *bintang tamu. Menurutku konsep ini bagus. Karena namanya saja konser Jazz. Walaupun Maliq lebih cenderung mau dipanggil musik pop, Monita juga tidak pure jazz, apalagi Glenn Fredly, tetapi tetap saja esensi musik jazz masih ada di gaya musik mereka.

Nah, yang ditunggu-tunggu akhirnya datang.

Matahari sudah di penghujung petang, 
kulepas hari dan sebuah kisah
tentang angan pilu yang dahulu melingkupiku. 
Sejak saat itu langit senja tak lagi sama....
- Memulai Kembali, MOnita

Matahari sudah bener-bener tenggelam. Langit sudah benar-benar gelap. Lampu panggung sudah mulai beraksi. Monita memulai pertunjukkannya dengan lagu Rayuan Pulau Kelapa dengan (tentu saja) irama jazz. Disambung langsung dengan lagu Hai. Ah, dan seterusnya seterusnya, dan seterusnya. Pertunjukkan 1 jam lebih 10 menit itu nggak kerasa. Hanya saja, ada sensasi aku di dimensi lain. Musiknya keterlaluan indah. Cuma ada kontra bass, gitar, piano, dan drum, dan suara Monita. Suaranya Monita juga terlalu kece untuk ukuran live. I can say better than recording. Dari jaman dia Indonesian Idol, I have put my eyes on her, and when she released her first album in 2009 or 2010, I set my ears for her, and then the last album and that very performance on the mountain, I set my heart and soul for her.

Diikuti dengan Dewa Budjana Zentuary. Kalau menggambarkan musik Dewa Budjana ini, seperti musik etnik yang dibaluti elemen rock dan sedikit jazz etnik. Highlightnya adalah si pemain seruling bambunya. Tidak ada vokal. Kalau aku bilang, aku suka. Cukup enjoy. Tidak begitu urakan untuk ukuran pertunjukan pure music

I have to close my eyes and repeat all the tunes, the lights, the ambience, and the heat I felt in the midst of cold night. I believe Maliq is one of those awesome live performer. The know how to have fun. They know how to make us have fun. Kita diajak nyanyi bareng, dan aku suka banget sama kekompakkannya mereka. Beneran bikin panggung terasa lebih wow. Maliq bisa bikin malam jadi lebih romantis. Dia minta kita nyalain flashlight di HP, dan mereka nyanyi lagu Untitled. Bikin merinding. They did save some excitement until the very end of the performance. Indah bisa nge-rap. She killed it. Funk Flow dibuat lebih funky dari lagu originalnya. Ah, really! Surpassed my expectation.




Day 2, 19 Agustus 2017
As I previously mentioned, aku ngambil paket wisata Bromo juga. Hari kedua, kami bangun pagi dan melihat pemandangan depan kamar kami yang mungkin harnya di film-film. Jajaran pegunungan, sedikit tiang pemancar, sawah, dan matahari pagi. Aku benar-benar nikmati setiap detiknya. Kami minum kopi ditemani lagu-lagunya Sri Hanuraga Trio, dan akhirnya siap 'bertempur' di air terjun Madakaripura.



Nama air terjun Madakaripura sudah nggak asing sih sebenarnya. Beberapa kali teman ada yang ke sana, tetapi nggak pernah terpikirkan bahwa air terjun itu bisa jadi tempat yang menyenangkan. Konon, air terjun ini adalah tempat Gajah Mada bersemedi dan menghembuskan napas terakhir. Jujur, aku sedikit skeptis. Apalagi, pas lihat foto-foto teman, aku pernah melihat air terjun yang lebih bagus. Tetapi, ternyata bukan air terjun yang di foto yang jadi highlight. Melainkan air terjun yang berada di sekitar dinding tebing, dan juga perjalanan ke sana yang lebih menyenangkan.
Kami berangkat dari penginapan, menempuh sekitar 1 jam, baru masuk ke pelataran parkir. Dari situ, kita harus siap-siap dengan sendal jepit dan jas hujan di tas. Yes, jas hujan saudara-saudara. Melewati air terjun-air terjun kecil untuk ke tempat Gajah Mada semedi yang menurutku lebih asyik haha. Sebelum ke jalan untuk menuju air terjunnya, kita harus naik ojek, dan ini juga sebuah pengalaman lain. Sekitar 50an pemuda berumur 18-22 atau 24 siap dengan motor masing-masing, sedikit berdebu, dan berkendara tanpa helm. Perjalanan dari tempat parkir ke gerbang air terjun sekitar 4 km. Lalu, dilanjutkan dengan berjalan kaki sedikit menanjak sekitar 1.5 KM. Cukup bikin napas tersengal-sengal, but was still OK. Apalagi pemandangan sepanjang naik ojek itu lumayan menenangkan. I was really enjoying the heat of sun rays in the morning, sedikit debu jalan, dan gronjalan membuat perjalanan makin asyik.

Sekitar 30 menit kemudian terdengan bunyi air jatuh. Masih skeptis. Lalu kami memakai jas hujan kami dan menggulung celana. And I loved it!!!
Begitu keluar dari jeratan guyuran air, aku senyum lebar sekali. Rasanya memang aku dan air tidak bisa dilepaskan dari satu sama lain. Bahagia itu sederhana juga, hanya diguyur air sejuk aja sudah bikin senyum lebar. Begitu aku membalik badan, aku terpukau dengan air yang jatuh di latar belakangi dinding batu berbenalu dan lumut. Bagus sekali.


Keseruan belum selesai sampai di situ, jika ingin melihat tempat semedi si Gajah Mada, kita harus melewati gundukkan bebatuan yang menonjol di sisi dinding gunung. Agak seram juga, karena cukup tinggi, berbatu, dan sedikit licin. Tapi, pura-pura berani, ikut aja si guide dengan merangkak pelan-pelan. Begitu di atas, kita makin excited dengar bunyi suara air terjun yang deras. Alam memang nggak bisa ditandingi.




Kami pulang untuk bersiap-siap konser hari kedua. Jujur, lelah. Tapi, it was worth it. Really.

Pertunjukkan hari kedua tidak dimulai dengan bagus menurutku pribadi. Terlalu salah, haha. Sana Seni Ensamble yang membuka konser hari itu. Mereka bilang kalau musik mereka itu Kronch Wrong which was a bit off. Ide musik keroncong dicampur jazz harusnya menarik, tetapi mungkin karena aku bisa dibilang bukan penggemar jazz murni, jadi agak sedikit terganggu. Untungnya setelahnya ada Dira Sugandi dan Sri Hanuraga Trio. Another exceeding expectation performance. Air mata sedikit meleleh ketika dengar kita nyanyi lagu Rayuan Pulau Kelapa bareng-bareng. Dira juga sampai sedikit nangis. Pertunjukkan sore itu sendu, namun tetap indah. Hari itu, kita dapat tempat sedikit depan. I could see Sri Hanuraga's fingerss dancing wildly on the piano. Gila. Orang jenius.




Berikutnya Indra Lesmana. Ok, he's pretty stiff as a performer I guess. Dan musiknya terlalu ketebak, jadi sedikit membosankan. Tapi, ya sudahlah. Di Jazz Gunung, orang bebas masuk keluar arena. Hanya sayangnya tempat jajannya terbatas. Jadi, tidak begitu banyak yang bisa dilakukan di luar konser. Anyway, akhrnya RIng Of Fire tampil. Kali ini mereka menggandeng Soimah. Iya, Soimah yang itu. Yang menor dengan suara pecah. But wait, she can sing. She can really sing! Really really well. Pertunjukkan RIng of Fire hari itu dimulai dengan lagu Dangdutnya Soimah diiringi big band style orchestra lengkap dengan kolintang melodi, gendang, dan saxophone. Disambung dengan lagu jazz classic yang dinyanyikan dengan gaya karawitan. My oh My, Soimah's voice is a true gem. Never underestimate penyanyi dangdut. Their vocal range, and the technique itu nggak main-main. Dengan penampilan Soimah dan Ring Of Fire Project, konser hari kedua berhasil diangkat lagi moodnya. Then, the star of our show, the man who portrays broken hearted really well, who gets the eastern music swirling in Indonesian music, yep Glenn Fredly.



As expected, lagu-lagu yang dinyanyikan Glenn adalah lagu-lagu yang sering ia bawakan saat konser. Rasa Sayange, medley Timur, You are My everything, Kisah Romantis. Sedikit kasih surprise, Glenn memanggil bang Idang Rasjidi untuk special showcase. Pianisnya Glenn hanya memainkan 3 bar lagu yang mau dinyanyikan Glenn, bang Idang langsung serta merta memainkan tuts tuts piano seakan jariya mengenal lagunya. Padahal, dia nggak dikasih tahu sebelumnya, dan mungkin aja nggak tahu lagunya. It was a real magic show. That's the power of Jazz. Blending in. Setiap jenis musik jika di syncopated, diberi chord kromatik, sudah bisa jadi musik jazz. Siapa bilang jazz itu musik exclusive, menurutku... semua musik bisa jadi jazz. Jazz itu musik universal, tapi mungkin susah dimengerti dibanding pop atau rock.

Aku suka jazz. Menurutku Jazz bisa menjadi musik romantis, fancy, atau mellow, bahkan dansa. Bisa dimainkan untuk jadi score dari sesi kehidupan kita. Aku selalu enjoy dengan tunes Jazz yang kadang sedikit off. Itulah seninya. Jazz di gunung? Dingin-dingin? Amazing experience. Aku mau salut untuk penggalang konser Jazz gunung yang tetap menjaga esensi ke-jazz-an. Konser jazz yang paling jazz walaupun ada banyak elemen jenis musik lain dilempar ke situ, tetapi tetap terasa esensi jazznya, dan mampu membuat para penonton terhibur. Aku bangga menjadi jamaah Al-jazziah di konser Jazz Gunung ke-9 ini. Terima kasih sudah bertahan, dan makin bagus tiap tahunnya. Terima kasih Djaduk Ferianto, Butet Kertarajasa, dan Sigit Pramono yang tiap tahun rajin membuat jazz Gunung semakin bagus, dan bagus lagi. Untuk tahun ini, tiketnya sold out loh!!!Padahal di pekan yang sama ada dua konser "Jazz" lainnya yang juga sedang berlangsung, di Jogja, dan di Surabaya.



Menarik juga ketika mengetahui yang tonton itu dari segala kalangan. Pas konser hari kedua, lebih banyak tante-tante dan om-om usia kira-kira di atas setengah abad, datang menjadi penonton. Memang konser ini sedikit lebih exclusive dibanding konser yang lain, karena untuk ke sana butuh effort lebih. Harus naik kereta api dulu, atau driving berjam-jam. Harus nonton konser dengan berbalut jaket tebal bahkan sarung tangan dan topi. Di situlah daya tariknya, apalagi mengingat betapa besarnya antusias penonton. Beberapa klip di youtube tentang Jazz Gunung terdahulu, banyak yang datang dari luar Jawa Timur untuk menikmati jazz. Jazz Gunung ini memang membuat kita menyadari Indahnya Jazz, merdunya Gunung.

Tahun ini, temanya yang diusung adalah Merdekanya Jazz, Bersatunya Indonesia, karena dibuat tepat sehari setelah hari Kemerdekaan.
Konser tahun ini membuktikan bahwa jazz itu musik yang bebas, merdeka. Mau dimainkan dengan gaya apapun tetap bisa disebut musik jazz, mau dimainkan dengan seruling sekalipun. Dan, aku jadi sadar bahwa Indonesia itu emang kaya. Jenis musiknya, para artisnya, alamnya, orang-orangnya.

Konser ditutup dengan gemilang tepat tengah malam. Itu berarti kita cuma punya 2 jam sebelum melanjutkan perjalanan utnuk melihat sunrise di Bromo. Terus terang, aku lelah luar biasa, karena pagi-pagi sudah menguras tenaga di Madakaripura, but hey we were there anyway, dan apa artinya kalau bilang ke Bromo tapi belum melakukan ritual di sana; nonton sunrise, ke bukit teletubies, pasir berbisik, dan kawah Bromo.


Kami dibawa ke Penanjakan satu, dan tempat itu terlalu touristy, too packed. I was more annoyed then enjoyed the sun rise. Nggak bisa dipungkiri emang bagus bangettt, tapi aku udah terlanjur kesal dengan orang-orang yang ribut dan tongsis sana sini. Kenapa nggak diem aja dan menikmati perubahan warna alam? Mulai dari semburat tipis membatasi di tengah cakrawala, pelan-pelan tambah besar, membuat gradasi paling cantik di langit. Lalu pelan-pelan menampakkan pegunungan Tengger.








Selepas berkutat dari kerumunan orang-orang dan melawan angin dingin, kami berhasil turun dan istirahat sejenak di warung dekat situ sebelum melanjutkan perjalanan ke kawah Bromo. Lumayan, mengisi energi sebelum ber-adventure ria dengan jeep. Oh iya, sensasi naik jeep gelap-gelap pas mau nonton sunrise itu seru juga. Jeep-jeep dari berbagai arah ketika memasuki taman Nasional Tengger itu dengan gagahnya tanpa ada rambu-rambu.. Tinggal stel lagu soundtracknya Indiana Jones, udah bisa jadi film petualangan seru. Benar-benar gelap, hanya ada lampu-lampu sorot dari jeep-jeep yang berlari kencang. Yang nyupir saat itu tidak lebih tua dari 20 tahun, tapi tangkasnya bukan main. Seru. haha. Jadi, hilang kantuknya sedikit.

Lanjut, ke kawah. Rencananya tidak ingin naik kuda, tetapi semuanya mau naik kuda dan karena perginya berkelompok daripada pacenya nggak sama, akhirnya aku bersedia untuk naik kuda juga. Lumayan, pengalaman menunggang kuda di tengah gurun pasir.Kudanya cantik-cantik. Naik ke kawah sama sekali tidak melelahkan. Disediakan anak tangga, dan sudah dipisah antara yang naik dan yang turun, hanya satu antrian panjang untuk masing-masing arah. Begitu sampai di atas, ternyata cukup packed dan jalanan yang tersedia cukup sempit. Aku sempat gemetaran, nggak tahu mau langkah ke mana, karena takut licin, apalagi sebelah kiri udah jurang, sebelah kanan udah kawah yang masih aktif. Sempat takut banget. Bingung mau ngapain haha, mau maju salah, mau diam salah. Menariknya, ada banyak orang lain yang melenggang jalan begitu saja di tepi-tepi jurang tanpa rasa takut, seakan itu trotoar biasa. Akhirnya beranikan diri untuk jalan dan mendekati kawah. Amboy, kaki sumpah gemetar, mau noleh ke arah kawah itu pelan-pelan. Jadi, geli mikirin hari itu. Kawah Bromo mengeluarkan suara mirip pesawat jet. Ini memang masih Bromo, seperti stage 1 untuk yang namanya petualangan dengan alam. Papa mamaku pernah memanjat gunung Bawakareng berkali-kali dengan medan yang lebih sulit. Ini sih nggak ada apa-apanya, and by going to Bromo, I felt inspired to do more hikings, or more nature traveling. Beneran deh, yang namanya jalan-jalan ke alam itu can push us to the other limit. Yang tadinya takut, ternyata bisa juga melintasi medan yang nggak pernah kita mikirin sebelumnya. Pas ngelewatin sungai, kita menyentuh batu-batu di situ, tiduran di padang rumput. I felt so happy.


Lanjut ke padang rumput, alias Bukit Telletubies, aku langsung serta merta merasa amat sangat excited. Jadi inget, pas aku ke Vermonth 2015 silam. Waktu itu ke daerah Lodgenya Von Trapp Family, letaknya sekitar 2 jam dari kota Burlington, Vermont. Pas lihat hijau-hijau langsung senyum-senyum sendiri. Waktu ke bukit Tawangmangu juga gitu. Langsung pengen nari-nari ala Maria Von Trapp sambil nyanyi

"The Hills are aliveeee with the sound of music"


Aku merasa beruntung banget, perjalanan alam ini ditemani dengan orang-orang yang sevisi. Yang berani push their limits too. Tahu gimana caranya having fun dalam keterbatasan. Tahu gimana caranya enjoy tiap momen, menghargai tiap momen itu, dan mau belajar tentang alam. Pada nggak takut kena matahari, atau debu, siap dengan toilet ala kadarnya, siap kotor-kotor, siap basah-basah. Karena, di situlah serunya.

Alam itu seperti stage, di mana matahari menjadi lightingnya, suara angin, burung, kawah, adalah lagunya, dan segala yang terjadi saat kita mau dekat sama alam, adalah aksinya.
What should we do, only enjoy it.



Kalau aku mau rangkum, pertunjukkan Monita itu adalah mood booster banget. Seperti energy bar, langsung energi level full, dan siap menghadapi segala realita hidup. Maliq di satu sisi seperti fire works performance, bikin hati sedikit kejut dengan ledakan-ledakan kecil, dan nonstop. Dira Sugandi dan Sri Hanuraga Trio itu ibarat Royalty. Very elegant. Tapi, kalau boleh jujur the star of the show was Ring of Fire and Soimah. I was so into their performance! Aku beneran kagum dengan cara mereka meng-aransemen musik, mengawinkan musik timur dan barat, memadukan ketukan tak beraturan dengan lenggok suara khas karawitan. Gendang dan saxophone bisa juga disatukan. I just love it. Soimah, you are my queen!

Dan alamnya. Aku harus ke Bromo lagi, pada saat lebih sepi, naik sampai ke kawahnya lagi, duduk di pinggir kawah. Lalu, mau lihat sunrise yang lebih sepi juga.But anyway...
Jazz Gunung?
checked
Bromo?
checked

Smile?
checked
Happy?
oh yes... super checked.

Akhir kata,

Sampai bertemu di Jazz Gunung 2018!!!!

#28goingstrong
.
CVB

Monday, July 31, 2017

#28GoingStrong - just keep swimming... keep swimming...

Tadi pagi sedikit hujan...
Bagus pikirku.. jalan sudah terlalu kering, sedikit dibasahi mungkin akan lebih baik.
Beberapa hari sebelumnya, aku sempat berpikir soal hujan yang turun. Padahal ini sudah bulan Juli. Benar saja, tidak lama setelahnya, hujan turun di Surabaya selama 2 hari berturut-turut. Begitu tahu hujan turun pagi tadi, aku tersenyum, masih di tempat tidur. Agaknya alam semesta memang mendengar.

Bukannya mau terdengar ala-ala Paulo Coelho atau mencoba berbagi soal "The Secret", aku pribadi tidak pernah tertarik membaca "The Secret", but oh well, I did enjoy "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. NO worries, tidak semua pikiranku tidak menjadi kenyataan. ADa banyak pikiranku di awal tahun ini yang tidak kejadian, tidak sesuai dengan harapanku pribadi.Lucunya, ada banyak pikiranku juga yang menjadi kenyataan - atau lebih tepatnya ketakutanku. Sebagai orang yang mempelajari psikologi, aku bisa menjelaskan panjang lebar dari segi teori, tapi itu tidak akan aku lakukan di sini. Karena aku di sini hanya sebagai manusia biasa yang sedang belajar mendengar, melihat, dan merasakan.

Tahun ini, tahun di mana aku dan diriku lebih saling mengenal. Aku tahu kapan aku akan stress, aku tahu apa yang terjadi dan berusaha melawan segala reaksi kimia yang alami terjadi *sebut perasaan, aku belajar mengetahui apa yang aku benar-benar mau, dan bagusnya...aku tidak lari dari kenyataan.

Masalah itu menurutku seperti sebuah permainan antara otak dan hati. Ketika masalah muncul, otak membaca dan memberikan teori-teori yang bisa membuat kita keluar dari masalah tersebut, namun nakalnya... perasaan akan membuat kita susah untuk bergerak. Bahkan melakukan sesuatu yang bertolak belakang dari yang seharusnya. Kata lainnya, barang gampang jadi susah. Tetapi, justru karena adanya eksistensi dari perasaan ini maka kita, manusia, bisa bertumbuh, bisa lebih mengenal diri kita, dan bisa membawa kita untuk ke level selanjutnya.

Perasaan manusia terlalu kompleks. Dia seperti fluid. Tidak bisa ditahan, selalu mengikuti gravitasi bumi, dan sepantasnya tidak ditahan, melainkan diberi pipa-pipa khusus untuk diarahkan ke tujuan yang benar. Jadi, aku selalu memutuskan untuk selalu menerima perasaanku, mau itu perasaan kecewa, sakit hati, atau yang lainnya. Karena dengan begitu aku tahu apa yang harus aku laukan selanjutnya.

Just.. keep swimming.. keep swimming...


You'll find a way. Never change your aim... set it. fixated it. and yes... keep swimming.


CVB

Monday, July 24, 2017

Sendiri. Atau Berdua

Ketika orang-orang lain datang berduaan atau bertiga, atau bahkan berlima, aku cuma membeli satu karcis, satu popcorn, dan satu minuman. Mungkin semua orang mengira-ngira apakah akan ada seorang lain yang datang menemuiku, dan akan ada dua orang yang menonton atau memang aku hanya menonton film malam ini sendirian tanpa ada yang temani. Kupegang karcis sambil menyeruput minumku seakan-akan mengkonfirmasi bahwa aku menonton sendiri. Tentu saja ini hanya terjadi di kepalaku saja, orang-orang mungkin tidak menyadari aku hadir di situ.
"Pintu teater 4 telah dibuka. Harap penonton yang memiliki karcis untuk masuk ke dalam ruang teater"
Mendengar pengumuman itu, aku melenggang masuk dan menyerahkan satu potong karcis untuk disobek. Begitu duduk di dalam selama kurang lebih 5 menit, sebuah pesan masuk.
"sudah di dalam?"
"sudah. kau?" aku mengetik balik
"Sudah juga. Beda 5 menit dari jadwalmu"
"Sip. Kalau begitu selamat menonton"
"Selamat menonton juga.."
Kumakan popcornku dengan tersenyum. 120 menit lagi ditambah 5 menit lagi, aku bisa membahas film ini, entah adegannya, pemainnya, atau hal lain dengan dia.
 Dia yang jauh, tetapi tidak pernah terasa jauh.
Karena kami selalu menemukan cara untuk terus bersama-sama walaupun waktu dan tempat kadang tidak saling menyetujui.


CVB

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Memori dalam Toples Plastik



Menurutmu ini apa?
Hanya sebuah kue?
Jika benar, kue apa kira-kira?
Mungkin kamu bisa menebak?

Kuhitung 1...2...3..

Kukira tidak ada yang bisa?

Jika kau bertanya balik "ini apa?"

Aku akan menjawab "identitas..."









Kami menyebutnya kue delapan. Mambo kadang bilangnya Kue Keju Manis. Kue Keju Asin itu kastangel. Seumur-umur aku cuma pernah melihat kue ini di 3 tempat.
Rumah Ama - mama dari mambo, rumah Maneng - tante dari mambo, dan rumahku sendiri. Tiap imlek, kue itu selalu hadir manis di sebuah toples transparan. Tidak jarang tanteku memberikan aku kue delapan ini di sebuah kaleng bekas mentega. Keluarga dari mambo tahu aku amat sangat suka kue ini. Seperti yang mambo namakan; kue ini pakai keju dan rasanya manis.


Kusebut ini identitas, karena hanya dikenali oleh segelintir orang, exclusive keluarga kami kalau aku bisa bilang. Tidak tahu asal muasalnya dari mana, bagaimana sejarahnya, dan siapa yang menciptakannya, tapi yang kutahu ini kue yang paling aku suka di seantero dunia per-kue keringan. Dan hanya bisa ditemukan di keluarga kami.

Kalau melihat kue delapan ini, cerita yang terputar di kepalaku adalah talenan putih besar (aku curiga tegel rumah), taburan tepung terigu, adonan yang dibentuk bulat panjang dengan satu tangan, bau mentega, dan mambo. Kadang aku turut membentuk kuenya. Menurutku dari semua kue delapan yang aku pernah makan (hanya terhitung dari buatan si Ama, si Ai, dan si Maneng), mambo punya yang paling juara. Garingnya pas, tidak pernah terlalu gosong, dan kejunya lebih banyak.

Kue delapan ini tidak jauh-jauh dari memori soal mambo. Maka kusebut ini sebagai identitas. Karena memori mengenai mambo tidak lepas dari identitasku. Mau orang itu sudah pergi, pengaruhnya sudah mengakar di hati. TIdak hanya mambo, tetapi orang-orang lain yang hanya meninggalkanku dengan sepotong memori tentang mereka. Memori itu meninggalkan bekas dan pengaruhnya ada dalam pembentukan identitas.

Ya, kita ini terbuat dari orang-orang yang ada di sekeliling kita. Ada yang 50%, ada yang 80%, ada yang cuma 10% pengaruhnya. Suka atau tidak suka. Intinya, setiap memori yang tercipta, sekecil apapun itu bertalian dengan identitas seseorang. Entah karena konfirmasi, atau pancingan keluarnya satu sifat.

Itu saja yang aku mau bilang.
Izinkan aku menikmati kue delapan ini pelan-pelan.



CVB

Sunday, June 25, 2017

You Have More Friends than You Know - #28GoingStrong


This video has been my song of June.
Please be aware, we are now in half way through to 2017! Can't believe that June is even coming to an end.
These 6 months have been surprisingly an exciting journey but not without stress or other pressures. Nevertheless, as the song says... I realise that I do have more friends than I know.

When I was in my bottom rock, my friends showed me the whole support, even my dogs showed a support! Gassing always put his head on my lap or back, stuck like that for a long time. My friend in Denver and me continue exchanging news and supports to each other. I got the whole treatment from a friend in Jakarta for a quality me time; a hotel, a massage, a chauffeur. A friend in Bali gave me a bigg hug. I do have more friends than I know.

Here is my situations; I am in a tough position *who's not. I face a lot of difficulties in works, I cannot be my self when I am stressed out, a closed of friend of mine suddenly said that he was bored with me, my whole plan was disrupted by financial issues and things, all in all, I am fully aware that I am stressed out. And when I am stressed out, nothing would work out. Not that I am not trying to overcome this. I am trying hard. I am battling inside myself. And naturally, part of my self does not want to stress out; thus, I got many sickness as the side effects.

The songs rings a bell.
It says that people know my fear, my pain, but please remember that I am not alone, I can always reach out for some help. I am basically encouraged to move forward, and as a natural past oriented person, I have to force my self not to see the past, but to look at the future. And whilst it is not my natural self, I am finding it hard and sometimes overwhelmed. :)
But yes... time heals.
people help.
Miracle does happen. and no matter how hard I fell, I knew there's always better things await.

So stick to the theme - #28GoingStrong, so yeah... no turning back.


CVB

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

5 things to enjoy - Amayzing May part 3

It comes down to the last day of May.

Therefore, here are my 5 things that I have enjoyed doing during May

1. Sunshine,
After the rainy season since the end of last year, it is good to see the sun shines. Gleaming sky. Warmth. I am feeling good when the sun hits me in the morning as I open my door to the bathroom, every single morning.
That warmth glides on my spines and tickling my toes. It really feels good
 Seriously, spending most of my 24 hours with air con is not fun. Once I get the heat of morning ray, I feel delighted, awake, and cozy. Most of the girls are afraid of sun, but I like to be under the morning sun. Well, the heat in the noon should be avoided, but other than that, morning ray is just wonderful


2. Rosary
And what is it about without Rosary during the month of May? As a Catholics, I am devoting my self to pray rosary on daily basis. It is not a chant, it is not a spell, it is not blasphemy, as it is my way to be closer to God, it is the Catholic way I may say :). AS it is told, one full rosary is like making a crown of roses to Mother Mary. An expression of gratitude of asking Her to pray with me during this depressing time. It is a fulfilment, a therapy. Just like the sermon of last week mass. A prayer is nothing to do to suddenly or magically solve the problem. But it helps us to solve the problem itself :)


3. A simple brekky and yes ... coffee...
Month without coffee is torturing. Really. I love making my own coffee. The smell it gives when I brew it just soothing. The composition of bitterness and creaminess is jut suited my liking and help me trough my always sleepy morning.

4. Nude/Pink Color
As spring comes so does the softy feeling I am always feeling. As the trend goes, so does the nude and pink color comes in.


5. Fighting the battle.
Last but not least... keep fighting the battle I am in. During lent season before Easter, there were times I felt like giving up. But again, as spring comes, the sun comes trough, so does hope. I am feeling I can't stop now. It has been a long wary road. Though it is still a rough road a head, getting thorugh some shadowy lanes, I can see my goals. Just keep walking, taking my baby steps towards the gift of life... which is... life itself. The process. The way to comin trough. It's been just like that... ever since..




SO yes... May has been amayzing...

CVB