Why did I start blogging?

You might have wondered why on earth I could blabber freely about my life, my story, and my thoughts? Were I seeking for attention? Did I not care about privacy?
I have been questioning my self more nowadays. Just because I am back in Indonesia... where people's thought are somewhat important. Though, nobody really protested me, only one of my friends ever said that she would not post anything like I did. She thought, it was not for public's consumption. Here, I am not seeking for an excuse but literally questioning and answering my self at the same time.

When did I start writing a blog?

I think I started with friendster's blognote if you can recall what's friendster is. It was in my senior high years. I think most of my posts were reviews and thoughts. I gained my liking in writing since junior high, but first encounter with blogging in Senior high. Then, I moved to the states. I started posting regularly. Mostly about what I have experienced. Living by my self gave me a lot of time to do thinking, observing, and realizing. Thus, I could really catch detail over what I experienced and found it fascinating. Could get an exciting point of view; thus, I was driven to share. Mostly again about my experience and thoughts. I got a few good comments among my friendster list. They would read it because they would get email saying I posted a blog.

In the second year in Seattle, I made my first blogspot account. It was not really active. I wrote more on facebook notes (I moved to facebook finally). On my blogspot was about some monkey love story haha. Had a big crush. Oh no.

I made a serious comeback in my junior year in Minneapolis. I moved from blogspot to wordpress. My first hit was about my birth day story. I got a lot of positive feedbacks from my college friends. I started having a regular readers whilst I began to write regularly. It was more about college life. What I did, what I got, a little thoughts, and my new favorite; prose. I started to enjoy sharing via a blog. I had a minimum conversation a day when I was in the U. Thus, blogging was kinda my way to communicate. Not saying I was an anti social, but because we were so busy.

I also enjoyed it because it kept me connected with my relatives in the Netherland or in other continent. Kept my friends updated as well. They knew what I went trough, trough a blog. I think blogging was handy.

Now. Why did I start blogging?
Thoughts. Ideas. Loves of writing. Many things. I often found my self had a million things jumbled around in my head; thus, I write it down to make it organized. Started with that, it becomes my habit. Enjoy of writing was one of the biggest reason, but I am not gonna lie that I would like to share my experiences. I was really into blogging when I went abroad, away of my family. Also, when I knew I had regular readers, I was more excited to blog. According to an article of my fave magazines, write an expressive writing such as diary or blogging can help you increasing immune system and lower your stress level. I have mentioned about that in previous posts. Writng is therapeutic.

Am I seeking for popularity? Not really. It's just felt happy when people read my blog. Sometimes they commented, sometimes they were just silent readers. I have made a lot of blog walking. I was in love with a couple blogs of Santa Ursula students. They were my entertainment when I stuck with my final project back in college. The posts were simply about their daily life, and it looked healthy and fun. They started it as a school task. Some of them continued, some not. Had a blog walking was like reading a new book. You know some other stories, some other thoughts, some other silliness. Excitement of sharing. Nothing more.

I dont mind share my personal stories. It is better to tell what is really going on rather than to make people have speculations. It is a better way to get to know my self as well. Not telling you know more about me, but I do too. By blogging, I know my self too. Getting feedbacks are also helping.

I dont know how long I will blog. Will my posts are read by thousands of people like other bloggers? There's a slight wish of that, but for now, I am contented with what I have been doing.

Now, I used to have this huge urge to tell the world that I have watched, encountered, or listened to amazing thngs; thus, I created Sivibi's Mabog which I try to update it weekly. My weakness is lack of discipline. Why do I need such a discipline? To be more serious about blogging. It is fun to do. It is also my way to make my writing getting better. Therefore, I humbly want to thank all of you
For my silent readers out there...
Thank you...
Because of you I still blogging. Keeping my mind healthy.

Please don't get sick of "Isi kepala saya yang berantakan"

took it a year ago, with my Dellby (laptop) was not handicapped and my samsung phone was still alive. 

NEXT on MABOG will be about 'Annie' and a gist of musical world.

CVB

Mambo Agogo

Mambo is a name came up out of nowhere. The inventor was my dad. The person that was called, no one other than my own mom. I remember clearly, one day back then, when we had lunch, my dad blurred out "where is mambo?" Indicated busy mom wooshing around before finally sat down. Onwards from that day, we called my mom Mambo! 

Ah mambo. January 24th is her second birthday to the eternal life. Thus, in regards of her living memory, let me tell you about mambo that I knew dearly.
Mambo was in love with cooking. Kitchen was her throne. She could consider cooking as a stress reliever or in contrary, it made her stressful. Yes, my mom could feel two emotions at the same time. A libra typical. Anyway, she loved to cook and would cook enormously  and all of her dishes would be delivered to her friends or business-partners. She noted who liked what, who could not eat what, and so on. Whenever she cooked was a hell for me. Haha believe me, we did not have a good term back then. We fought often whenever she cooked at house. For those who got my mom's dishes, don't worry, it was not your fault, it was just us. I did not hate when my mom cooked, but I should be extra patient and sometimes I could not. Haha. It was not a bad memory at all. Kitchen would be smelled with Pastel tutup or what my mom called "Kentang Bakar" - baked potato, Dutch style baked potato. It was like a casserole topped with creamy smashed potato. Some other time, she would make her family tradition recipe. She called it Yuping. I think it's a dish from Fuqian where my mom's ancestor came from. You could probably only find it in Taiwan nowadays. Countless of recipes. My favorite was Yuping

.
Besides cooking, she loves to go shopping! Nontheless, she's not a shopaholic unless the SALE sign was up. She bought pans to underwear with BIG sale on it. She would like to ask my dad's cousin in Jakarta to find me a ballet dress with a note "yang diskon ya Wi", discount.. discount... discount. Her destiny was with DISCOUNT. She could get many things on a big sale. It's like discount and her were calling each other. Not only because the sign Sale was up, but she had a very good networking. She could get discount from a textile shop, crab restaurant, jewellery shop, material shop, health laboratory, and her friends or relatives could literally say her name in a Japanese Restaurant and they would get a discount ;). She is indeed a Tante Diskon.
One thing that is related to her as well, was a calculator. She would have a normal-sized calculator in her purse. Hehehehehehehhee... it was taken out when she bought groceries, or met customers. Her closed friends were smiling brightly when saw me put her favorite calculator in her coffin. I know I was silly. Hehe
She was not the kindest mom on earth, but she was a perfect mom for me indeed. Reminisce her leave, I was like seeing my mom graduated proudly from university of life. She had accomplished so much. Her complex about discount was diminished a little so she was able to enjoy many things. She was a little bit hard on herself. However, influenced by my dad, she was able to spend peacefully on her happiness in her last years on earth. Such as going to a nice hotel to spend a chinese new year, ate good food without waiting to be discounted  bought me an expensive dress. She said, she did not care anymore, she wanted to enjoy. And thus, she was able to be grateful of everything she had.
Very fresh in my mind, 2 years a go in her funeral in the church, people were packed. It looked like an ordinary Sunday mass. It was an honour to have you all back then. Thank you for those who were in grief for my mom's lost. Thank you for those who smiled brightly when coming to see my mom for the last time. Most of my father's cousins and her own cousins whom she had been closed with, came to our house and smiled upon my mom's body. They told my mom... "it is done. You are free now"

This is her two years of leaving us, but let us celebrate it with joy. For she was not going in agony, but in joyful heart. She was a warrior, she still my guardian warrior. Counted as I took my first breath on earth until very now, and even until my last breath, her heart is still beating like a drum in my heart.

Copied from Phillip Phillips's song Gone Gone Gone,
She is my backbone

My cornerstone
My crutch when my legs aren't moving.

My head start

My rugged heart

Like a drum, mambo don't stop beating

Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you

and long after you're gone, gone, gone

I'll love you long after you're gone, gone, gone

Reading is a new Black, and Writing is a Therapy

If you ever been asked a question; "what goes first, egg or chicken?" the thought of it, is already confusing. Just like when I am asking my self "writing or reading goes first." Did I love reading because I love writing? Or Did I enjoy writing because I love reading.

Reading and writing are two things that I can't live without. I have no idea which one comes first. I might have liked reading first and then enjoy writing. However, I always found exciting when I had to write an essay when I was in elementary. All in all, I can't figure out what comes first, but what I know that I love doing both. It is like complementing each other. I know how to write because I read. I want to read because I enjoy words. The more I write, the more I want to read.

Let's start with who is the one that made me read?
I can answer that my father, Enyd Blyton, J.K. Rowling, and my grand ma from my father's side who made me enjoy reading.
My father was born in 1950s when TV was not so IN on those days, when he spent a lot of days outside, under the sun, and his books. Ever, my grand pa came back from Surabaya, he brought the WHOLE LIBRARY from somebody that moved out from the country. My father was the one that finished them all. He said he probably read thousand of books. Many people would read more than him I believe; nevertheless, my dad was inspiring me to do the same. He is like a walking encyclopedia. He graduated from local university, but he looks like a student who studied abroad. He has so much knowledge but again keeps hungry of it.
Enyd Blyton and J.K. Rowling have made me love reading more. They have had too many great books. I am not saying that they are the best writer, but because I read their books in my early years, I started to enjoy reading so much.
Grand ma has contributed books in my early years New year gift make me used to reading. She would give me as a birthday gift or Christmas present. Laura Ingals, and other classic children write were introduced by her. My favorite is still Enyd Blyton in If the Moon is Blue.
My father said that my grand ma was a great story teller. She enjoyed reading until now in her 90s, she is still reading Dutch Magazines and other stuff every day :) Yes! She's the best story teller ever.

Nowadays, there are many concerns on magazines, personal blogs, or a simple conversation how reading or became literate is important. As one said, Books are the Windows of the World. Not saying if you are not reading, you are not smart, but in fact, people who read more can enhance the knowledge about culture, history, and other people's life. What's the use of it? It slowly but surely makes you to understand others. Reading keeps your imagination bright. What's the importance? To keep your brain works in balance and this leads to a healthier life and reduce the possibility of Alzheimer and other brain disease (arts.mic, 2014). Why do people look smart when they read more? It is literally able to improve your vocabularies (Elsbee.com, 2013). Also, you can travel around the world only through words.

Who is the one made me into writing?
For answering this question, I have to say it is (again) Enyd Blyton and Dee Lestari. My writing is influenced by what I read. My writing style is closed to the writer whose book I read, typically it is full of metaphor and not involving humors, more serious stuff. Too heavy sometimes. People's comment "terlalu sastra." My writing urge usually comes after I read something and feel excited about it. Short stories, novels, are something that I learn to do. I can write it as words are coming naturally, but never had a chance to finish it. Discipline is somehow neglected from my dictionary. I honestly haven't been too serious about writing short stories nor novel. However, I am still practicing in writing a prose or an article like this one. Blogging is one of a way to express my feeling, practicing my writing, and a therapy.Sometime by being melancholy, falling in love, and live alone also contribute in making me love writing. Writing is indeed a therapy.
 Furthermore, it has been published, that writing expressively can reduce the chance to be depressed, and survey said thet people who love writing proven to have a moderately low blood pressure. How does it work? James W. Pennebaker has written that when people expressively write, they take a step back and evaluate their lives. By doing so, they often find solution, or as ones said that writing is like re-telling (art.mic, 2014). Like I always feel. By doing that, you at least releasing the pressure little by little. 

  
Writing is also an art. For those who do not know how to draw, like me, writing can be a beauty. An expression can be explained amazingly in words. For example; 

Home is behind, the world ahead,
and there are many paths to tread
through shadows to the edge of night,
until the stars are all alight -J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of The Ring. (Goodreads quotes)

Needs a talent to write? Maybe not. I don't think I am a talented writer. Dewi 'Dee' Lestari, Leila S. Chudori, or J.K. Rowling have been known as people who love reading. Therefore, writing can be learned. Just like me, I am learning to write in a better way.

For 2015, I am trying to make myself more discipline by publishing post regularly, in my personal blog or SIVIBI's MABOG where I post about reviews. MABOG should be up every Tuesday, weekly.  I will go back and forth with writing in English and Indonesian. I have tried my best to write perfectly. As I said, blogging is my way to practice. Thus, if you find it is not grammatically correct, I hope you can understand.
I also have set my reading goals. 30 books in 2015, I have read 20 books in 2014 (the list is here). Meaning, I have to minimally read 2 to 3 books a month. I should be able to do that, shouldn't I?.


In the end,

I write because I read, I read because I write... 

#writingisart
#writingistherapeutic
#readingisanewblack
CVB

2.0.1.4

Aku jatuh cinta...

Salahkah aku mengatakan bahwa aku jatuh cinta kepada kehidupan? Tak usah yang dimulai dari aku lahir. Hanya dari 12 bulan di tahun 2014 kemarin saja. Aku ingin mengatakan aku jatuh cinta pada setiap hal yang telah aku lewati. Layaknya jatuh cinta kepada seseorang, tak hanya yang manis-manis saja, tapi yang pahit-pahitnya pun ada. Tahun 2014 bukan sebuah tahun yang mudah. Tahun 2014 itu tahun yang penuh kesibukan. Banyak orang yang datang pergi sambil memberi kesan seadanya atau dalam. Ada kejadian yang membuat tangis karena bahagia. Ada kejadian  yang membuat tertawa getir. Ah, aku jatuh cinta pada semuanya itu.

Mungkin kau masih belum pahami, mengapa aku jatuh cinta pada tahun 2014. Tahun itu tahun biasa. Bukan milenium. Menawarkan juga banyak kejadian seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya, tapi menariknya, aku lebih siap untuk menikmati segala prosesnya. Mungkin bukan sepenuhnya siap, melainkan sadar.

Januari, titik awal. Aku awali tahun 2014 dengan hampir tiap minggu bolak balik Surabaya - Makassar. Dimulai dengan minggu terakhir bulan Januari untuk memperingati 1 tahunnya meninggalnya mambo agogo. Lalu disusul dengan tahun baru imlek. Dan seminggu kemudian, di awal bulan Februari, aku balik lagi untuk merayakan perayaan besar-besaran keluarga Budhi. Om pastorku merayakan 25 tahun Imamat, kami merayakan ulang tahun opa yang ke 92 tahun di tanggal 30 Januari, sekaligus ulang tahun pernikahan opa-oma dari papo yang ke 65 tahun. Semua kejadian itu dirayakan bertepatan dengan ulang tahun papo, tanggal 6 Februari. Jadilah, aku tiba hanya untuk misa, dan besok subuh, sudah kembali ke Surabaya untuk ke kantor.

Tanggal 14 Februari, aku mengalami Valentine kelabu akibat meletusnya gunung Kelud. Terjebak di Juanda selama 8 jam, lalu aku menempuh jalan darat dari Surabaya menuju Bali.. Aku menamakannya Petualangan Batman. Tanpa debu gunung Kelud, aku tak mungkin akan menempuh jalan darat menuju Bali. Ditambah, begitu tiba langsung kami terbang ke Makassar menggunakan pesawat untuk pameran. Gara-gara gunung Kelud juga aku akhirnya ngantor di Bali.

Maret mempunyai cerita lain. April dan Mei pun begitu. Mereka membiarkan aku merana. Membiarkan aku berperang dengan diriku sendiri. Membiarkan keraguan datang berkunjung. Aku merasa kecil. Merasa tak mampu. Ada yang salah, dan perlu diperbaiki. 2 bulan ini membiarkan aku berjuang untuk menemukan kepingan yang hilang. Bulan Maret juga, aku memutuskan untuk mengikuti #100happydays. Tanpa berharap output apa-apa. #100happydays, adalah hash tag untuk mencari satu hal yang membuatmu bahagia hari itu. Pada akhirnya, it really helped. I was taught to appreciate more. 

Juni, aku kembali mengalami pengalaman luar biasa. Petualangan Batman episode 2. Aku pergi ke Malaysia untuk mengikuti agent conference, dan aku langsung terpukau dengan apa yang aku alami di sana. Bak agen 007, menunggu tiap clue untuk tindakan yang berikutnya-dan berikutnya. It was all about last minute. Surprisingly, aku amat sangat menikmatinya.

Juli, aku dibiarkan untuk berkontemplasi. Saat liburan lebaran, entah rahmat apa yang datang, aku seperti terilhami. Kepingan yang hilang itu muncul begitu saja. Jawabannya sederhana.

Feel good about yourself. 

Feel good about myself. 

Kepingan yang hilang?

Self esteem. 

Apparently, I have lost interest in myself. I forgot about what's good about me. I was too overconfident without knowing what I faced. Thus, I was failed. And therefore, I was lost. 

Sesederhana itu. Kepercayaan diriku muncul tanpa aku benar-benar sadari. Karena, bulan Agustus, September, dan Oktober adalah bulan-bulan yang benar-benar gila. Aku bahkan tak ada waktu untuk menikmati hari Minggu. Ada event A di kota B, ada school expo di kota C, ada event D di hotel E, dan seterusnya. Hampir setiap Sabtu, aku tidak berada di kantor. Entah karena ke luar kota atau mengambil rehat sebentar. Di bulan November, baru aku benar-benar bisa duduk manis di kantor. 

Mengenai cerita Desember?

Aku biarkan diriku berkontemplasi. Mengingat-ingat apa yang sudah lewat. Akhirnya, aku tahu bahwa aku telah melepaskan masa lalu. Desember memang bulan yang tepat untuk menoleh sebentar ke belakang sambil meingat-ingat apa yang kita lalui. Kemudian, memandang ke depan untuk mengira-ngira seperti apa nanti di masa depan. 

Pada akhirnya kita berhadapan dengan momentum. Setiap momen itu autentik. Tiap kejadian ada ceritanya sendiri. Perayaan besar maupun kejadian-kejadian kebetulan. 

Lalu, lucu. 

Aku awali tahun 2015 dengan rasa takut. Entah apa yang aku takuti. Namun, sepertinya, akan ada banyak perubahan. Akan ada lagi pertemuan. Akan ada lagi perpisahan. Akan ada lagi tangis, akan ada lagi tawa. Kejadiannya seperti apa? Aku belum bisa tahu. Satu yang aku pahami, kadang rasa takut itu baik. Perlu. Sebagai pelecut untuk menjadi lebih baik.

Terlepas dari rasa takut ini, aku benar-benar jatuh cinta pada kehidupan. Terlalu banyak hal menarik yang terjadi. Setiap kejadian pun memberikan 'rasa' yang berbeda.

Satu pesanku untuk diriku sendiri. Apapun yang terjadi di tahun 2015, rasakan setiap sensasinya. Apapun itu, menarik adanya. Efektif tergantung cepatnya kita beradaptasi. 

Terima kasih 2014, kau telah membuatku jatuh cinta. 

Hai 2015, aku sudah siap untuk jatuh cinta lagi ...

Dan untuk Indonesiaku. Tahun 2014, kita sudah punya presiden baru. Banyak hal positif yang terjadi di pemerintahan. Hal yang positif begini biasanya menarik hal yang negatif pula. Semoga kita semua bisa berdoa agar Tuhan melindungi dan memberkati negeri kita ino. Sejelek-jeleknya negeri ini, Indonesia adalah tempat kita meniti cerita. 

Salam

CVB

Ketikan Awal Tahun

Di sini aku mengetik hanya sekedar mengingatkan diri bahwa "kerja telah tiba." Bukan lagi "libur telah tiba." Nadaku mungkin terdengar sedikit merana, tapi anehnya aku tak sabar kembali ke rutinitas.
Lucunya, ada sedikit rasa takut yang entah karena apa. Di sisi lain aku rindu rutinitas hidup sendiri di perantauan. Makan packed kimchi, merebus kentang atau menggoreng tahu. Tak sedikit berexperimen di dapur, atau menjelajah gerai makanan di luar. Aku pun ingin kembali berada di meja kerjaku dan menunggu kejutan-kejutan yang akan hadir mewarnai hari-hari di tahun yang baru. Mulai belajar lagi. Menerka-nerka. Berharap-harap cemas. Menelan bulat-bulat kekesalan dan tersenyum ketika ada customer yang datang menyenangkan hati.
Aku tidak mau ambil pusing lagi. Aku memang pemegang remote controlku. Tapi, terkadang aku ingin tidak memencet tombol apapun dan membiarkan segalanya mengalir apa adanya.
Biarkan aku dengan prioritas baruku menulai petualangan di 2015 dengan berdoa...
Ketikan pertama di tahun 2015 ini menjadi wujud doa bahwa aku berserah. Manusia boleh berharap tetapi Yang Maha Kuasa yang menentukan. Tapi, perlu diingat juga bahwa manusia boleh berdoa dan biarkan Yang Maha Kuasa menjawabnya di saatNya yang tepat.

Aku bertanya-tanya saat ini. Seperti apakah skenario di tahun 2015?
Aku benar-benar tak sabar...

Selamat Tahun Baru ☺

NEXT: menilik 2014