Stereotyping episode...
Oh people love it, and not rare that they live within it. They actually enjoy it. It is a short cut. I am not defending my self nor offending people who love assuming so much. I just want to share about my tale as a woman, in her thirty and still single. I am not stereotyping, but this is what I got a lot. What I am about to write is purely my experience and my point of view only. I did not have intention to write a whole complete essay along with research about other woman. I want to see if there are other people have had experiences like me. I might be sounded segmented, perhaps stereotyping as well, or maybe generalizing but again this is purely about my life.
"Mbak sudah kerja?" - do you work?
"Sudah berkeluarga?" - have you married?
"Oh kejar karier ya..." - oh you have chosen career path huh? when I answered I haven't married.
These are most likely the scenario I got when people are asking about me, work, and my marital status, and they would come to a conclusion that I was pursuing my career instead of getting married.
I often felt rage about it. I want to shout out to their face saying "It is not my choice that my career path seems easier than chosing a husband"
"It is not my choice that I want to stay single"
"It is not my choice to be more successful in work"
"It is all blessings..."
I am not bragging, but things are a little bit easier towards my career path than my relationship. And, I am grateful about it. I am not feeling down about it though again, society in country where I live is often giving me prejudice that I am a bit too picky and workaholic; thus, woman like me stay single. It would have been true. There's a saying that man likes if they can control their woman, or in other words, they like to be superior than their woman. I am not denying this, and I actually look forward to a man who is "more" than me. However, as the bar set high, those groups are narrowed down.
For example, I am an abroad graduate, have a good career, people would say that it could backfire me.
I have seen a video from a show called Kick Andy - Kapan Kawin "When get married"
There were three guests, they were women in their late thirties, they were all successful, one of them got married in the middle of their thirties, two others haven't been married yet. One of the guests stated this...
"I did not choose to be single, I just haven't found the right person, and it seems my career path is just more compromising"
It was a show from three years ago. It was my "Halelujah" moment. I screamed out loud in my heart agreeing what she said. Therefore, I want to share it with you. I am about to turn thirty less than a year. I am still single, and I have a good career path for only 5 years working. I am not ashamed about it. I am writing this because I am so sick about what people think about woman who is succesful in their career but they haven't been married.
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| Kick Andy, copyright |
The next scenario followed is "You are too picky" episode.
Oh come on...
It might be more a fact that I turn out a little bit too picky. I turned down guys who wanted to approach me before they asked me out for a date if I dont see we would match.I am not looking for a guy based on their economy status, I am not looking for a guy who is abroad graduate, I simply look somebody that matches me and in one frequency with me. Match my quirkiness and appreciate my independence. I might be too independent, many people have said to me that it is why men are afraid to approach me. I am not denying that it my be the truth. However, girls should not change to match the certain criteria of what boy likes. My ex was one of the examples that girl should not change their personality for people to like them. We went out together because he appreciated my independence and we even were in long distance relationship. It did not work because of other matters.
I remember a movie quote - Sabtu Bersama Bapak - One of the characters said
"perlu dua orang yang sama-sama kuat untuk bisa bersama dan menjalani kehidupan pernikahan"
Needs two strong people together so they can live their marriage life, and I couldn't agree more.
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| Sabtu bersama Bapak, copyright |
I value all cultures since I have lived in different places, different countries, met a lot of people from different cultures. However, one of things that I still hardly tolerate is the strong assumption and this whole stereotyping. I know the world cannot change in one night, but I just want to express my self in this writing. Saying, that I am a woman, I am single, I am thirty years old, I have a good career, and I don't choose to be one, but it is all just by His grace. And, I am thankful for the way it is.
To all the girls out there who experience the similar situation with me, please don't be discourage. Keep the bar within your range. The right person will come in the right time. Open heart, open mind, embrace those who acknowledge your independence, your beauty, and your knowledge.
Once Dian Sastrowardoyo has said...
"The sexiest organ a woman has, is brain..."
I am in the stage where I am not afraid to be single. I do know my self that I want somebody who can be my life witness as I am going to be his life witness as well.
Geez people, stop judging.
CVB
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