Good Habits Revival

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!!!!
It's been a week.... I am totally feeling it, everything starts pretty fresh.
I could finally tidy my room up after a year! YES! A YEAR!

I have been living in a semi cow den, everything is clustered around. I finally make my "dream come true" by tiding it up. My excuse last year was definitely - no mood - excuse. I was so immersed by stuff that I did not know what was it exactly. This year, after having a very good 10 days vacation back home. I can say, I find the rhythm again.

I chose to put the title as above because I think that new year is not just about new things. We should not just list all the new things we want to do; indeed, it is a new start, but we could start with reviving our good deeds alive. I am in my late 20s, next year I will enter the glorious 30s, and I am somewhat excited about it.
Nevertheless, this new year makes me halt a little bit, and think back that I have done pretty well in some parts of my life. I was able to finish school finely within one and a half year after a devastated two and half year earlier. I could lose weight about 12 kg within 7 months. I could save up to good certain amount of money back in 2014-2015. I could survive without using my credit card. I could go swimming every day. I could do the house chores without failing, tidying up my room and bathroom. Fixed my own breakfast happily. I could produce good reviews in my other blog regularly. But, honestly, in 2017, everything was falling apart. My problem was I did not put good amount of energy to these positive things; instead, I used it for surviving every day. And oh... phone. I put away my phone for a while. Instagram and Pinterest consumed too much of my time.

In the end of 2017, I did well, I survived, but just did not achieve what I aimed. I know that I could do these good habits, I could achieve what I aim. Therefore, by the beginning of January 2018, especially this weekend, I finally did it. I am building up a good old habit by simply tidy my room and bed up. Get rid of "garbage." I cleaned every spot in my room, and made a promise to my self to keep this up till it becomes a habit. Same with financial and weight things. I gained too much for the past year, it almost reached the same weight when I was "the fattest." Stress did a lot of part in it, and lack of exercise of course. In the middle of 2017, I did well in maintaining my weight, I even had a toned body for several months. Those holidays and stress flushed it away. haha.

Anyway, here is y simple top 5 things in 2018 that I want to do as my habit. It is more like reviving my good old habit.
1. Morning Glory Habit: fix my bed, having a good breakfast
2. Swimming more regularly
3. Saving up regularly every single month
4. Cleaning up every week
5. Say Grace every day.





Simply cliche, but trust me, it will work. It will give you a lot of positive sides to have a routine in your life.
These days, I have been thinking about bad and good habit of oneself. I see trough the older people and younger people. Why do some older people seem do not learn from their mistakes? Why do some older people keep their bad habit? As I learned psychology as my major, I knew that personality cannot be changed, but it can be added. Thus, while I know what I did wrong, I want to change and keep growing. Maybe, when I am older, I could be that annoying lady, or I can gracefully grow older. Be wiser. I chose to be the later one.

I did well for #28GoingStrong.
I begin 2018 with this hashtag - #RoadtoFabs30. Being 30 is not something that I should be ashamed with. For many people, 30 is their fabulous turning point. I chose to embrace 30 with grateful heart and purer heart. And may I add, a little more sexy body. haha. oh well, we will see what will come out by this end of this year.

2018 Goals
1. Be relax, and keep forward
2. No proscatination
3. Save up more
4. More discipline
5, Financially more independent

All in all, my future goal is not something extravagant. I just want to grow old gracefully and wisely.

I hope we all chose the right things to do while we do have time.

CVB

Di balik Retina

Snapchat, insta story, bahkan what's app status sudah membuat kita semua secara tidak sengaja berlomba-lomba "pamer" secara instant. Travelling sekarang diibaratkan dengan foto-foto instagram-worth dibandingkan memori itu sendiri. Tidak banyak yang meng-hire professional photographer untuk membuat sesi foto panjang selama liburan. Memakai saltum (bayangkan summer dress di 15 derajat celcius). Dan banyak lainnya. Nggak jarang, momen jalan-jalan itu berhenti ketika kita sudah merasa kalau kita sudah mengambil foto yang bagus.
Memang tidak bisa dipungkiri, jalan-jalan ke tempat baru banyak hal yang menarik. Banyak hal baru dan unik. Nggak jarang, kita berasa seperti fotografer yang merasa "ini momen untuk foto." Tapi, pada akhirnya, kita jadi sibuk foto-foto atau merekam momen tersebut tanpa tersadar kalau kita nggak benar-benar berada di momen tersebut, menikmati.
Aku selalu percaya bahwa tiap tempat itu punya cerita. Mau kita sudah sering ke tempat itu, atau pertama kali, tiap tempat selalu memberi cerita baru. Salah satunya Jakarta kemarin. Menurutku, perjalanan kali itu termasuk istimewa di antara hal-hal biasanya saja.
Perjalanan kemarin itu, aku merekam dengan retina. Ada banyak hal yang membuatku gatal untuk merekam. Tempat air suci di Gereja ada tertulis - Tempat air suci, bukan tempat cuci tangan-, sinar-sinar matahari yang tembus dari mozaik di dinding Gereja, Jakarta dini hari, air mancur depan monas, dan seterusnnya dan seterusnya. Jakarta kali ini amat sangat menyenangkan. Aku sama sekali tidak terjebak macet. Memang, aku cuma jalan-jalan sekitar daerah Thamrin. Dalam 3 hari, aku mengagumi gedung-gedung pemerintahan yang megah-megah, dan hotel-hotel bintang lima di sekitar situ. Jakarta sebenarnya cantik. Akhir pekan yang lalu, aku menikmati setiap warna-warna yang berseliweran.
Subuh pukul 2 dini hari, Jakarta tetap belum sepenuhnya terlelap. Penjual tahu bulat dengan semi trucknya berada di sekitar bundaran HI, ada beberapa orang yang mengambil gambar berlatar belakang patung selamat datang dan Mandarin Hotel, ruas jalan Thamrin yang hanya terisi 2 sampai 3 mobil. Semua ini terjadi di balik retinaku. Terekam menuju hippocampus, dan sekarang dideskripsikan melalui kata-kata.

Sekali-sekali postingan tanpa gambar atau foto hanya berisikan huruf-huruf. Karena, menurutku aku lebih menikmatinya tanpa harus buru-buru untuk merekamnya dengan handphone.

Semuanya terekam di balik retina...



CVB

Definition

When you think about the word "definition" - most of the time, you are trying to define something. A description. Situations that you can refer in a word. or two. However, I am stuck. I cannot define what is going on in me in a word.
I want to be in a total silence. Thinking of me in a house in the middle of the forest. A little soft sound of bugs, water drops, and the rest is just me and nature. But not totally alone. I am imagining somebody sitting with me, sipping tea or coffee, in silence. A companion without a sound. Not because we are fighting to each other, but we just knew that we just long for each other companion.
I want to be in a stranger place when I don't know anybody. Nevertheless, there's a cat or a dog that sits outside wiggling her tails or shrugs her head on my legs. A familiarity in a total stranger.
Those weird contradiction attracting to each other, blending in me. Sounds a little bit introvert and melancholy here?
I can't agree more.
This is just an exhausted feeling over changes. Not because I am in denial or unhappiness. This is the road I chose anyway. I may rephrase it, it is the world given to me. No, I am not saying that I will stop or whine endlessly. It is just like start wearing new shoes.
It makes your feet bruises. Feel a little bit pained when you walk. But, as the days passes, your feet and toes adapt to the new shape of shoes, and suddenly you just feel comfort in it.
I am basically in the beginning part of wearing the new shoes. Just need a little more time to finally own it.

I do feel exhausted every single time I hit my room. But, still I am looking for a new day. Passing each day, curious of what about to happen next. Perhaps the lyrics below define it all.

If someone just says the words, “that’s it”
I think I’ll agree and give up
If someone comforts me, saying that I’ll do well
I think I’ll start to cry
My footsteps want to rest for a bit

But I can’t because I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way

I’m sorry my love, I wanted to be the source of your pride
In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort
If you comfort me, saying that you believe me
I think I’ll start to cry
I’m sitting on the edge of this night with a drunken sigh

I’ll get through it, just like you believed I would
I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way

- Kwak Jin Eon, Kim Feel, Yoon JOng Shin, "Exhausted" - 

So, the definition of me now is... 

exhausted...but, can't go back because how I feel today. In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort. Though, if you comfort me, saying that you believe me, I think I'll start to cry. Well, there is no right way, the way that I chose is my way. 

CVB

February Shots

Feeling valentines?
Maybe not that fast. However, I can say that I am in love already...

I am in love with 2017, even though it is still the second month of it. Things are evolving slowly yet surely. Overwhelming? Sometimes, yes. Too many things are being thrown towards me. All you can name it; frustration, hope, adrenaline rush, sadness, loss, determination, bundling all in me. and why I can still say that I am in love with 2017? Am born as a natural optimistic individual perhaps? Too optimistic sometimes. But that does not mean that I am not feeling any negativities. Oh hell yes. I can say that I am feeling anxiety, a little bit devastating, but perhaps that makes me seek out for positivisms; name H.O.P.E.

Hope for the better ones... ?

nope... not for that...

But, a hope that my heart is true to itself.
 I am following my guts.

and my guts say "It is worth to wait. It is worth to fight" So here I am fighting over my own fear and doubtedness. I am not here to brag about how great I will be, but I simply just want to get through it. 2016 ended roughly, 2017 started with a lot of things happened. I was at the point where I felt exhausted for not even a month passing. Nevertheless, I will not whine anymore for it was much better than the beginning of 2016.

In 2017, I am feeling more positive powers around me though, what it looks like now is I am surrounded by many negative environments. A change, a challenge, alone in the darkness swarming towards the light... telling my self that the result will be good either way. I have nothing to lose.
Truly, I can say that I appreciate what 2016 has given to me. All the series happened last year was like an antidote for this year. To stay strong, and to have faith.
Another glimpse of haze over here. I am sorry I cannot directly telling you what exactly happening. It is too personal to be spilled, and at the same time, I am too feeling all over the places. It is about both personal and professional matters. Here, just words to express what is bickering like a Chinese new year firecracker in my head.

All of these making me fight over it. Somehow, I am dying to know how it will work out. Things are evolving for sure, but thanks to the Aries sign, I am curious already. There are so many vivid dreams that my head generates right now. I can't wait to take a stroll along foreign lanes, murals on the walls, tasting unfamiliar food, sipping coffee at the cafe on the street, smiling with loved ones. I can't wait to scratch out things that I would have done one by one on my resolutions. I am just feeling I have too much energy due to too much pressure, and I need to release some of it. Exactly like in a pressure cooker. Oh well.. I still have 300 more days.
2017 still has 300 more pages to be written and more stories to be uncovered. That's what makes me falling in love with 2017 already. I have a little feeling that this year is another great year :)

I certainly believe that my prayers are heard somehow, and I pray that this year will be like that so...

"Chill Chen, enjoy the process... "

Just don't give up on me yet, because I haven't given up on my self either...


CVB

New Year - New Spirit

New year.
New responsibilities.
New challenges.
New page.
and perhaps new hair cut.

But now, let's take a look back to 2016.
As I have repeated and scattered around the posts here in there, 2016 was a year full of surprises. The bad ones and also the good ones. It was a year of evolving. It was exactly like an apprentice got a harsh training, when she passed the test, there's a reward, but then the trainer gave a little twist here and there. Crazy. It was one full of many emotions.

First half of 2016 was incredibly harsh. I got traumatised by an event in February 2016 which I could not go into details. By June, everything is starting to go into places. However, things are still unsure. The fate of Malang office was ambiguous throughout 2016. Not to mention, my plan to go to South Korea was also in the shaky place.
I was trying not to expect too much in the end of the day. A bit mellow here and there. But, I got my supporters behind me :) Especially my Tiga Srikandi. I am salute. They were strong enough even though they got such a blurred future as well.

Tiga Srikandi

By the smeared of faith, I got through 2016, and November was the peaks of almost everything. I got my visa approved to South Korea a week before departure. Furthermore, I got a call a day before I got my long vacation. The answer that Malang team seek was finally revealed, but not without surprise. I was asked to move to Surabaya, Malang office will keep going and still under my supervision. What a twist. I never imagined that the end of our road would be like that.

Therefore, here I am typing from Surabaya, exactly a month after my replacement. Meaning, 2017 started off fresh. New things, new responsibilities, new circumstances, new hair cut I may add. I passed 2016 with a lot of repressed emotion. I was over-whelmed for even the last days of 2016, it still gave me little surprise. However, I was not letting it to stir my faith in life. Faith about believing one heart says. No matter how hard my heart feels in grief, there is still a calamity in it. Strange, but it is what it is.

2016 was indeed a year of twists and weddings and a lot of flying. From a wedding in Kuala Lumpur, a bridesmaid in Medan, another wedding in Jakarta, and my bestie's wedding in Surbaya and Solo. Fiuh!!! Lots of weddings indeed.

Cacuk's day - Kuala Lumpur

Elvina - Solo

Eriko - Jakarta

Ket2 - Surabaya

Nevertheless, I couldn't lie that 2016 also gave me a lot of second chances! A chance to repair an old wound, a taste of simple love, a reminder for giving in, a dream or two coming true. At least, I got to go to South Korea. It meant a lot despite the unfortunate event involving losing money, it wouldn't lessen my gratitude towards life. 2016 has prepared me for a bigger me in 2017. It knew that all events happened o form a stronger me. 2017 started off pretty rough. New circumstances, new responsibilities, and suddenly a closed friend of mine might have a problem that he tries to process by himself first. Hope he is doing well, hope I can adjust fast. I am pretty positive that everything is going alright.
I also want to give a little space for those who left the world in 2016. One of them was my grandpa's sister in law. Please don't surprise if I am closed to my big family, including the extended family. Oma Hetty was one of those who kept closed with us even afteropa Tjiong *grandpa's brother passed away years ago. She even presented when my mom passed away in 2013. Couldn't forget about it. Love her spirit and I am missing her sweet smile. Also Maciu. Ah Maciu... she's one of my nannies when I was little. She's my mambo's aunt. Hope you two have a smooth journey. May God forgive all your sins and we love you.


Oh my. looking back the past two years, I am basically aware that each year has its own big theme. 2015 was a year of fulfilled prayers. 2016 was a year of twists. and.. how about 2017? Regardless the big theme that is going to be plotted, here is the list I want to list for 2017. The more realistic ones.


1. 20 books reading challenge.
2. 60 kg, 3 kg more to go haha
3. Building up a steadier praying habit :)
4. Traveling to Penang and the Netherlands, possibly South Korea again if things getting crazier :)
5. Laid back, Relax... Enjoy the ride.


Have fun! Not to worry over things, falling in love! Not afraid of heartbroken or sadness. Life is too short to be wasted. It is cliche, and true at the same time :)

In 2016, I have learned that every hardship as the antidotes haha. The bad things and the good things happening hand in hand.




Oh 2016, thank you soooo mucccchhh. More things to be grateful compared all the crazy shits happened. I love it. Though I have to admit, that I concluded 2016 with a tear in my eyes and smiling, all at once.
My new year eve was a blessing. I got to wait till midnight with my grand ma and grand pa. They are 95 years old! However, my grandma could stll read and told her opinion. She gave me a little wisdom that night. She told me "kau harus berdoa. berdoa saja. cerita apa yang kau punya susah. Nanti biar Tuhan yang atur" - translated as "you have to pray. Just pray. Tell what is burdening you. Let God takes care of it" what a blessing! :) My 95 year old oma is jjang!

my beautiful oma... 

Hello 2017. I am ready! Bring it on!

CVB

Dear February

6It is the last two days of January, and I can say that 2016 was started roughly. There were too many gloomy days, bored than ever, un-motivated to the max, and I am sick again. On top of that, today and tomorrow, I have to attend education expo. Meaning, I need to talk, but I am losing my voice. Hahahahahaa completed!!!

(sigh)...

Nonetheless, I have this vibe that everything after this will be great. 2016 still have eleven months to pass. I just need to shake my self a bit in the early of 2016.

Dear February,
You are the shortest month in 2016, I hope you'd be a good transition to cure my lonely heart. Be busy, be meticulous, and be efficient. I hope my self will adjust this new situation. New year really means new year!. Everything is back to zero. What I have been through in 2015 is just left. It is a brand new year. I cannot carry out my habit in 2015, things need adjustment. Maybe because 2015 was ended too nicely. Started nicely as well. I was hoping that 2016 would be the same, but surprise is a surprise isn't it?  The solution for this situations is... I just need to start a new habit...
Anyhow, dear my self in February, please adapt well... you are living in present, not past. I know you can do it, you have been through the worst, so please chin up. Cheer up. Work things out. You are the handler of your own remote control. You can mute yourself doing nothing, or press play and rock and roll.

Dear February,
even if you might be gloomier, I will be prepared...
Let things go, let loose our self, and enjoy the ride don't we?

CVB

17 Days

It is 17 days after new year and yet, it has started as an odd beginning I must say.
Too much of weird things happened, like today. I am confessing to you that I was too-determined to skip going church. My excuses were I got nausea, my body temperature is rising again, I felt sick (like want to vomit), and it was raining. I did not want to take car at the office nor do I want to take a walk to church. Not to mention, bomb and shooting in Jakarta a few days ago, and our beloved Prof. Snape's death at the very same date.
I must add, everything that set as resolutions was going against my self. I am having a hard time controlling my appetite, not to mention hitting the pool or do mat exercise like I did in 2015. Bank account is hitting low whereas I am planning on a big travelling plan in the end of the year. Everyhing seems require more effort.It is a new beginning indeed. Like I am at a new level now (because my resolution was a bit of continuity of 2015).
It's been 17 days in the new year, but I start to feel... I somehow need to be 'stronger'.
I know it is just SEVENTEEN days in 2016, and I sound slightly defeated. But, really... I feel so weird. January started a bit weird anyway.

oh well...
It is just day 17 Chen, 2016 still has a long way to go. 349 days are awaiting. And, I do know that miracle happens, magic exists, good things are available, and happiness is around. I just need to do extra work to stay on track.

Ready to rock and roll in 2016!!!!

CVB

Awards of the Year

Ah, it is 2016 baby...

It can be called the first week of January 2016. I am like entering a new book. It's been just 6 days after that the last day in 2015, but on these 6 days, there have been too many unexpected things happened. Too many, a bit shocking. Not too much, but not only a day or two, each day has its own surprise. It made me thinking that "whoa... it's really A new year"
Nevertheless, I am really (really..really...really...really) GRATEFUL towards 2015. It answered everything even on the last days of 2015. Amazing eh? Therefore, I dedicated this very first post in 2016 to still talk about 2015. It is Rewards time!
I haven't done this in many many years, but I think there are stuff that highlight my 2015.
Let's dig in!

1. Food of the year - Mie ayam Rp 6000
I haven't eaten one particular menu for this many. I could eat this trice a week, because it was cheap and convenient if I forgot to bring food in the office. It is my so called comfort food if I did not cook.

2. Drink of the year - Nescafe coffee mix PAS Rp 1000 per sachet
If in 2014 was my Starbucks year, 2015 was my nescafe year. Again, it is cheap and easy. Plus, Malang doesn't have starbucks. It certainly does have good coffee, but it is just a bit wooshing around if I need to buy it. Nescafe was the answer.

3. Movie of the year - The Sounds of Music.
Yes baby. After visiting Von Trap lodge in April 2015, I couldn't help my self not to own the soundtrack and the movie, and I watched it every weekend (parts by parts of course). It is indeed the Classics!!!

4. Drama of the year - drumroll!!! MISAENG
In entire my 26 years old life, I have watched this freaking drama like I have re-watched The Sounds of Music. Not bored, and if I counted, it was 5 times already, not to mention how much I have watched one particular episode. Yes yes yes... I know you might be bored to hear about this, and I am totally fine if you don't like this drama, but.. ah I heart it..place it in the very special already. It is indeed my healing... I have done it many times. If I was feeling down, I watched an episode or two random episodes of Misaeng, and I could still laugh, cry, and felt warmth in my heart. That powerful.

5. Travel highlights of the year - US can be the strong one, tho Hongkong one was also a headline, but I chose Jakarta-Bogor trip was the highlight. It was my thanksgiving away, and you don't know how grateful I was for that particular trip. It seemed more magical than the US one I dare to say. Thanks to my seattle house gank and of course my super woman - Sara Lea. It was one amazing getaway.

6. Quotes of the year -
Travel far enough and you'll meet yourself. Can't explain more.

7. Singer of the year - Kwak Jin Eon is my sweetest discovery, but I can say that Kim feel is my hearthrob. Both are the first and runner up of Super Star K6 (Korean show) in 2014. I firstly fell in love with the deep voice of Kwak Jin Eon, but thanks to Immortal Songs 2, I could see the charming part of Kim Feel more. I am more excited to see if Kim Feel and Kwak Jin Eon are once again paired. Perhaps, I can see them on Immortal Songs 2 soon.

8. Song of the year - There were two actually, and both are involving Kwak Jin Eon and Kim Feel, but I think I chose "Don't Worry" more. It was originally sang by Ddeulgukhwa. I have heard it on Immortal songs 2 sang by Ali. Really caught by how Kwak Jin Eon and Kim Feel sang it, and then recently Lee Jeok sang it for 1988 OST. How many arrangements are made, they were all beautiful. And ... oh the lyrics... I love how it is not necessarily meant to be a love song.

9. Highlight of the year - I got promoted in June, moved to Malang, literally ALONE in a new city, no friend, no acquaintance. I survived, and am loving the city eventually. and... :) my papo got married again in Feb. No, it was not a sad story..I have known the person that he chose for a loooong time. I don't like to call her step mom... second mom is more a fit even though, I don't really like it either. But, she's been my second mom since I was very little. When my mambo was sick or couldn't be around, she would be the one who's with me. I wish the very best for the two ;)

10. Lesson of the year -
Be grateful of anything, anytime, even if you haven't got it. It was actually words from my very own papo. Say thank you for everything, everytime...
See things positively and ...

thank you for that...

CVB

Mambo Agogo

Mambo is a name came up out of nowhere. The inventor was my dad. The person that was called, no one other than my own mom. I remember clearly, one day back then, when we had lunch, my dad blurred out "where is mambo?" Indicated busy mom wooshing around before finally sat down. Onwards from that day, we called my mom Mambo! 

Ah mambo. January 24th is her second birthday to the eternal life. Thus, in regards of her living memory, let me tell you about mambo that I knew dearly.
Mambo was in love with cooking. Kitchen was her throne. She could consider cooking as a stress reliever or in contrary, it made her stressful. Yes, my mom could feel two emotions at the same time. A libra typical. Anyway, she loved to cook and would cook enormously  and all of her dishes would be delivered to her friends or business-partners. She noted who liked what, who could not eat what, and so on. Whenever she cooked was a hell for me. Haha believe me, we did not have a good term back then. We fought often whenever she cooked at house. For those who got my mom's dishes, don't worry, it was not your fault, it was just us. I did not hate when my mom cooked, but I should be extra patient and sometimes I could not. Haha. It was not a bad memory at all. Kitchen would be smelled with Pastel tutup or what my mom called "Kentang Bakar" - baked potato, Dutch style baked potato. It was like a casserole topped with creamy smashed potato. Some other time, she would make her family tradition recipe. She called it Yuping. I think it's a dish from Fuqian where my mom's ancestor came from. You could probably only find it in Taiwan nowadays. Countless of recipes. My favorite was Yuping

.
Besides cooking, she loves to go shopping! Nontheless, she's not a shopaholic unless the SALE sign was up. She bought pans to underwear with BIG sale on it. She would like to ask my dad's cousin in Jakarta to find me a ballet dress with a note "yang diskon ya Wi", discount.. discount... discount. Her destiny was with DISCOUNT. She could get many things on a big sale. It's like discount and her were calling each other. Not only because the sign Sale was up, but she had a very good networking. She could get discount from a textile shop, crab restaurant, jewellery shop, material shop, health laboratory, and her friends or relatives could literally say her name in a Japanese Restaurant and they would get a discount ;). She is indeed a Tante Diskon.
One thing that is related to her as well, was a calculator. She would have a normal-sized calculator in her purse. Hehehehehehehhee... it was taken out when she bought groceries, or met customers. Her closed friends were smiling brightly when saw me put her favorite calculator in her coffin. I know I was silly. Hehe
She was not the kindest mom on earth, but she was a perfect mom for me indeed. Reminisce her leave, I was like seeing my mom graduated proudly from university of life. She had accomplished so much. Her complex about discount was diminished a little so she was able to enjoy many things. She was a little bit hard on herself. However, influenced by my dad, she was able to spend peacefully on her happiness in her last years on earth. Such as going to a nice hotel to spend a chinese new year, ate good food without waiting to be discounted  bought me an expensive dress. She said, she did not care anymore, she wanted to enjoy. And thus, she was able to be grateful of everything she had.
Very fresh in my mind, 2 years a go in her funeral in the church, people were packed. It looked like an ordinary Sunday mass. It was an honour to have you all back then. Thank you for those who were in grief for my mom's lost. Thank you for those who smiled brightly when coming to see my mom for the last time. Most of my father's cousins and her own cousins whom she had been closed with, came to our house and smiled upon my mom's body. They told my mom... "it is done. You are free now"

This is her two years of leaving us, but let us celebrate it with joy. For she was not going in agony, but in joyful heart. She was a warrior, she still my guardian warrior. Counted as I took my first breath on earth until very now, and even until my last breath, her heart is still beating like a drum in my heart.

Copied from Phillip Phillips's song Gone Gone Gone,
She is my backbone

My cornerstone
My crutch when my legs aren't moving.

My head start

My rugged heart

Like a drum, mambo don't stop beating

Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you

and long after you're gone, gone, gone

I'll love you long after you're gone, gone, gone

Ketikan Awal Tahun

Di sini aku mengetik hanya sekedar mengingatkan diri bahwa "kerja telah tiba." Bukan lagi "libur telah tiba." Nadaku mungkin terdengar sedikit merana, tapi anehnya aku tak sabar kembali ke rutinitas.
Lucunya, ada sedikit rasa takut yang entah karena apa. Di sisi lain aku rindu rutinitas hidup sendiri di perantauan. Makan packed kimchi, merebus kentang atau menggoreng tahu. Tak sedikit berexperimen di dapur, atau menjelajah gerai makanan di luar. Aku pun ingin kembali berada di meja kerjaku dan menunggu kejutan-kejutan yang akan hadir mewarnai hari-hari di tahun yang baru. Mulai belajar lagi. Menerka-nerka. Berharap-harap cemas. Menelan bulat-bulat kekesalan dan tersenyum ketika ada customer yang datang menyenangkan hati.
Aku tidak mau ambil pusing lagi. Aku memang pemegang remote controlku. Tapi, terkadang aku ingin tidak memencet tombol apapun dan membiarkan segalanya mengalir apa adanya.
Biarkan aku dengan prioritas baruku menulai petualangan di 2015 dengan berdoa...
Ketikan pertama di tahun 2015 ini menjadi wujud doa bahwa aku berserah. Manusia boleh berharap tetapi Yang Maha Kuasa yang menentukan. Tapi, perlu diingat juga bahwa manusia boleh berdoa dan biarkan Yang Maha Kuasa menjawabnya di saatNya yang tepat.

Aku bertanya-tanya saat ini. Seperti apakah skenario di tahun 2015?
Aku benar-benar tak sabar...

Selamat Tahun Baru ☺

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