Definition

When you think about the word "definition" - most of the time, you are trying to define something. A description. Situations that you can refer in a word. or two. However, I am stuck. I cannot define what is going on in me in a word.
I want to be in a total silence. Thinking of me in a house in the middle of the forest. A little soft sound of bugs, water drops, and the rest is just me and nature. But not totally alone. I am imagining somebody sitting with me, sipping tea or coffee, in silence. A companion without a sound. Not because we are fighting to each other, but we just knew that we just long for each other companion.
I want to be in a stranger place when I don't know anybody. Nevertheless, there's a cat or a dog that sits outside wiggling her tails or shrugs her head on my legs. A familiarity in a total stranger.
Those weird contradiction attracting to each other, blending in me. Sounds a little bit introvert and melancholy here?
I can't agree more.
This is just an exhausted feeling over changes. Not because I am in denial or unhappiness. This is the road I chose anyway. I may rephrase it, it is the world given to me. No, I am not saying that I will stop or whine endlessly. It is just like start wearing new shoes.
It makes your feet bruises. Feel a little bit pained when you walk. But, as the days passes, your feet and toes adapt to the new shape of shoes, and suddenly you just feel comfort in it.
I am basically in the beginning part of wearing the new shoes. Just need a little more time to finally own it.

I do feel exhausted every single time I hit my room. But, still I am looking for a new day. Passing each day, curious of what about to happen next. Perhaps the lyrics below define it all.

If someone just says the words, “that’s it”
I think I’ll agree and give up
If someone comforts me, saying that I’ll do well
I think I’ll start to cry
My footsteps want to rest for a bit

But I can’t because I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way

I’m sorry my love, I wanted to be the source of your pride
In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort
If you comfort me, saying that you believe me
I think I’ll start to cry
I’m sitting on the edge of this night with a drunken sigh

I’ll get through it, just like you believed I would
I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way

- Kwak Jin Eon, Kim Feel, Yoon JOng Shin, "Exhausted" - 

So, the definition of me now is... 

exhausted...but, can't go back because how I feel today. In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort. Though, if you comfort me, saying that you believe me, I think I'll start to cry. Well, there is no right way, the way that I chose is my way. 

CVB