Snapchat, insta story, bahkan what's app status sudah membuat kita semua secara tidak sengaja berlomba-lomba "pamer" secara instant. Travelling sekarang diibaratkan dengan foto-foto instagram-worth dibandingkan memori itu sendiri. Tidak banyak yang meng-hire professional photographer untuk membuat sesi foto panjang selama liburan. Memakai saltum (bayangkan summer dress di 15 derajat celcius). Dan banyak lainnya. Nggak jarang, momen jalan-jalan itu berhenti ketika kita sudah merasa kalau kita sudah mengambil foto yang bagus.
Memang tidak bisa dipungkiri, jalan-jalan ke tempat baru banyak hal yang menarik. Banyak hal baru dan unik. Nggak jarang, kita berasa seperti fotografer yang merasa "ini momen untuk foto." Tapi, pada akhirnya, kita jadi sibuk foto-foto atau merekam momen tersebut tanpa tersadar kalau kita nggak benar-benar berada di momen tersebut, menikmati.
Aku selalu percaya bahwa tiap tempat itu punya cerita. Mau kita sudah sering ke tempat itu, atau pertama kali, tiap tempat selalu memberi cerita baru. Salah satunya Jakarta kemarin. Menurutku, perjalanan kali itu termasuk istimewa di antara hal-hal biasanya saja.
Perjalanan kemarin itu, aku merekam dengan retina. Ada banyak hal yang membuatku gatal untuk merekam. Tempat air suci di Gereja ada tertulis - Tempat air suci, bukan tempat cuci tangan-, sinar-sinar matahari yang tembus dari mozaik di dinding Gereja, Jakarta dini hari, air mancur depan monas, dan seterusnnya dan seterusnya. Jakarta kali ini amat sangat menyenangkan. Aku sama sekali tidak terjebak macet. Memang, aku cuma jalan-jalan sekitar daerah Thamrin. Dalam 3 hari, aku mengagumi gedung-gedung pemerintahan yang megah-megah, dan hotel-hotel bintang lima di sekitar situ. Jakarta sebenarnya cantik. Akhir pekan yang lalu, aku menikmati setiap warna-warna yang berseliweran.
Subuh pukul 2 dini hari, Jakarta tetap belum sepenuhnya terlelap. Penjual tahu bulat dengan semi trucknya berada di sekitar bundaran HI, ada beberapa orang yang mengambil gambar berlatar belakang patung selamat datang dan Mandarin Hotel, ruas jalan Thamrin yang hanya terisi 2 sampai 3 mobil. Semua ini terjadi di balik retinaku. Terekam menuju hippocampus, dan sekarang dideskripsikan melalui kata-kata.
Sekali-sekali postingan tanpa gambar atau foto hanya berisikan huruf-huruf. Karena, menurutku aku lebih menikmatinya tanpa harus buru-buru untuk merekamnya dengan handphone.
Semuanya terekam di balik retina...
CVB
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Monday, February 13, 2017
Definition
When you think about the word "definition" - most of the time, you are trying to define something. A description. Situations that you can refer in a word. or two. However, I am stuck. I cannot define what is going on in me in a word.
I want to be in a total silence. Thinking of me in a house in the middle of the forest. A little soft sound of bugs, water drops, and the rest is just me and nature. But not totally alone. I am imagining somebody sitting with me, sipping tea or coffee, in silence. A companion without a sound. Not because we are fighting to each other, but we just knew that we just long for each other companion.
I want to be in a stranger place when I don't know anybody. Nevertheless, there's a cat or a dog that sits outside wiggling her tails or shrugs her head on my legs. A familiarity in a total stranger.
Those weird contradiction attracting to each other, blending in me. Sounds a little bit introvert and melancholy here?
I can't agree more.
This is just an exhausted feeling over changes. Not because I am in denial or unhappiness. This is the road I chose anyway. I may rephrase it, it is the world given to me. No, I am not saying that I will stop or whine endlessly. It is just like start wearing new shoes.
It makes your feet bruises. Feel a little bit pained when you walk. But, as the days passes, your feet and toes adapt to the new shape of shoes, and suddenly you just feel comfort in it.
I am basically in the beginning part of wearing the new shoes. Just need a little more time to finally own it.
I do feel exhausted every single time I hit my room. But, still I am looking for a new day. Passing each day, curious of what about to happen next. Perhaps the lyrics below define it all.
CVB
I want to be in a total silence. Thinking of me in a house in the middle of the forest. A little soft sound of bugs, water drops, and the rest is just me and nature. But not totally alone. I am imagining somebody sitting with me, sipping tea or coffee, in silence. A companion without a sound. Not because we are fighting to each other, but we just knew that we just long for each other companion.
I want to be in a stranger place when I don't know anybody. Nevertheless, there's a cat or a dog that sits outside wiggling her tails or shrugs her head on my legs. A familiarity in a total stranger.
Those weird contradiction attracting to each other, blending in me. Sounds a little bit introvert and melancholy here?
I can't agree more.
This is just an exhausted feeling over changes. Not because I am in denial or unhappiness. This is the road I chose anyway. I may rephrase it, it is the world given to me. No, I am not saying that I will stop or whine endlessly. It is just like start wearing new shoes.
It makes your feet bruises. Feel a little bit pained when you walk. But, as the days passes, your feet and toes adapt to the new shape of shoes, and suddenly you just feel comfort in it.
I am basically in the beginning part of wearing the new shoes. Just need a little more time to finally own it.
I do feel exhausted every single time I hit my room. But, still I am looking for a new day. Passing each day, curious of what about to happen next. Perhaps the lyrics below define it all.
If someone just says the words, “that’s it”
I think I’ll agree and give up
If someone comforts me, saying that I’ll do well
I think I’ll start to cry
My footsteps want to rest for a bit
I think I’ll agree and give up
If someone comforts me, saying that I’ll do well
I think I’ll start to cry
My footsteps want to rest for a bit
But I can’t because I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way
I’m sorry my love, I wanted to be the source of your pride
In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort
If you comfort me, saying that you believe me
I think I’ll start to cry
I’m sitting on the edge of this night with a drunken sigh
In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort
If you comfort me, saying that you believe me
I think I’ll start to cry
I’m sitting on the edge of this night with a drunken sigh
I’ll get through it, just like you believed I would
I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way
I have only one dream
I can’t make everything go back because of how I feel today
Don’t compare me, don’t care about me, who says that’s the right way?
There is no right way, the way that I chose is my way
- Kwak Jin Eon, Kim Feel, Yoon JOng Shin, "Exhausted" -
So, the definition of me now is...
exhausted...but, can't go back because how I feel today. In my exhausted day, I just want some comfort. Though, if you comfort me, saying that you believe me, I think I'll start to cry. Well, there is no right way, the way that I chose is my way.
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
February Shots
Feeling valentines?
Maybe not that fast. However, I can say that I am in love already...
I am in love with 2017, even though it is still the second month of it. Things are evolving slowly yet surely. Overwhelming? Sometimes, yes. Too many things are being thrown towards me. All you can name it; frustration, hope, adrenaline rush, sadness, loss, determination, bundling all in me. and why I can still say that I am in love with 2017? Am born as a natural optimistic individual perhaps? Too optimistic sometimes. But that does not mean that I am not feeling any negativities. Oh hell yes. I can say that I am feeling anxiety, a little bit devastating, but perhaps that makes me seek out for positivisms; name H.O.P.E.
Hope for the better ones... ?
nope... not for that...
But, a hope that my heart is true to itself.
I am following my guts.
and my guts say "It is worth to wait. It is worth to fight" So here I am fighting over my own fear and doubtedness. I am not here to brag about how great I will be, but I simply just want to get through it. 2016 ended roughly, 2017 started with a lot of things happened. I was at the point where I felt exhausted for not even a month passing. Nevertheless, I will not whine anymore for it was much better than the beginning of 2016.
In 2017, I am feeling more positive powers around me though, what it looks like now is I am surrounded by many negative environments. A change, a challenge, alone in the darkness swarming towards the light... telling my self that the result will be good either way. I have nothing to lose.
Truly, I can say that I appreciate what 2016 has given to me. All the series happened last year was like an antidote for this year. To stay strong, and to have faith.
Another glimpse of haze over here. I am sorry I cannot directly telling you what exactly happening. It is too personal to be spilled, and at the same time, I am too feeling all over the places. It is about both personal and professional matters. Here, just words to express what is bickering like a Chinese new year firecracker in my head.
All of these making me fight over it. Somehow, I am dying to know how it will work out. Things are evolving for sure, but thanks to the Aries sign, I am curious already. There are so many vivid dreams that my head generates right now. I can't wait to take a stroll along foreign lanes, murals on the walls, tasting unfamiliar food, sipping coffee at the cafe on the street, smiling with loved ones. I can't wait to scratch out things that I would have done one by one on my resolutions. I am just feeling I have too much energy due to too much pressure, and I need to release some of it. Exactly like in a pressure cooker. Oh well.. I still have 300 more days.
2017 still has 300 more pages to be written and more stories to be uncovered. That's what makes me falling in love with 2017 already. I have a little feeling that this year is another great year :)
Just don't give up on me yet, because I haven't given up on my self either...
CVB
Maybe not that fast. However, I can say that I am in love already...
I am in love with 2017, even though it is still the second month of it. Things are evolving slowly yet surely. Overwhelming? Sometimes, yes. Too many things are being thrown towards me. All you can name it; frustration, hope, adrenaline rush, sadness, loss, determination, bundling all in me. and why I can still say that I am in love with 2017? Am born as a natural optimistic individual perhaps? Too optimistic sometimes. But that does not mean that I am not feeling any negativities. Oh hell yes. I can say that I am feeling anxiety, a little bit devastating, but perhaps that makes me seek out for positivisms; name H.O.P.E.
Hope for the better ones... ?
nope... not for that...
But, a hope that my heart is true to itself.
I am following my guts.
and my guts say "It is worth to wait. It is worth to fight" So here I am fighting over my own fear and doubtedness. I am not here to brag about how great I will be, but I simply just want to get through it. 2016 ended roughly, 2017 started with a lot of things happened. I was at the point where I felt exhausted for not even a month passing. Nevertheless, I will not whine anymore for it was much better than the beginning of 2016.
In 2017, I am feeling more positive powers around me though, what it looks like now is I am surrounded by many negative environments. A change, a challenge, alone in the darkness swarming towards the light... telling my self that the result will be good either way. I have nothing to lose.Truly, I can say that I appreciate what 2016 has given to me. All the series happened last year was like an antidote for this year. To stay strong, and to have faith.
Another glimpse of haze over here. I am sorry I cannot directly telling you what exactly happening. It is too personal to be spilled, and at the same time, I am too feeling all over the places. It is about both personal and professional matters. Here, just words to express what is bickering like a Chinese new year firecracker in my head.
All of these making me fight over it. Somehow, I am dying to know how it will work out. Things are evolving for sure, but thanks to the Aries sign, I am curious already. There are so many vivid dreams that my head generates right now. I can't wait to take a stroll along foreign lanes, murals on the walls, tasting unfamiliar food, sipping coffee at the cafe on the street, smiling with loved ones. I can't wait to scratch out things that I would have done one by one on my resolutions. I am just feeling I have too much energy due to too much pressure, and I need to release some of it. Exactly like in a pressure cooker. Oh well.. I still have 300 more days.
2017 still has 300 more pages to be written and more stories to be uncovered. That's what makes me falling in love with 2017 already. I have a little feeling that this year is another great year :)
I certainly believe that my prayers are heard somehow, and I pray that this year will be like that so...
"Chill Chen, enjoy the process... "
Just don't give up on me yet, because I haven't given up on my self either...
CVB
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Januari - Semacam Lagu Galau dari Glenn Fredly
Nggak spesifik juga sih akan ngebahas soal lagu Glenn Fredly, atau kisah yang dihubung-hubungkan sama lagu Glenn Fredly, hanya saja kurang lebih bulan Januari adalah sebuah bulan yang penuh kegalauan.
Aku bukan orang yang percaya cosmic, atau tahayul, tapi tidak sepenuhnya merunut pada kitab suci juga. Aku menikmati hidup dengan berbagai dimensi. Aku jelaskan ini karena hanya ingin mengungkapkan perasaan di hati saja.
Selalunya, tiap tahun itu kurang lebih mempunyai big theme. Contohnya di tahun 2015, kejadian-kejadian yang terjadi semuanya seakan-akan adalah jawaban atas doa atau permohonan aku secara nggak langsung. Aku kepengen ke US, di bulan April aku diberi kesempatan. Aku sedang bertanya-tanya, tiba-tiba aku dikasih kesempatan untuk menyelesaikan pertanyaanku. Susah dipercaya, tapi memang begitu. Tahun 2016, uji kesabaran. Semuanya serba misterius, menggantung, dan pelan-pelan terselesaikan. Jadi, seperti apakah tahun 2017?
Bulan Januari menjadi bulan yang galau hanya gara-gara, aku sendiri belum bisa memutuskan tahun macam apa ini. Apa yang harus aku siapkan, ceritanya nanti seperti apa. Masih meraba-raba. Bulan Januari sebagai bulan awal, dan juga bisa kusebut sebagai bulan transisi. Bulan penuh observasi. Tentu saja, aku percaya bahwa hidup itu bukan pre-destined seutuhnya. Manusia bebas memilih, tapi... aku percaya bahwa aku nggak sepernuhnya bergerak sendiri. Hidup aku seperti dituntun. Ada sebuah benang merah yang bisa aku jadikan panutan sepanjang tahun ini. At least that was what happened
Bulan Januari juga menurutku seperti satu fase setelah kita menekan tombol restart. Seperti ada babak baru yang dimulai. Kadang, rencana yang tersusun tahun lalu bisa berubah 180 derajat di tahun yang baru. Dan semua perubahan ini cukup terasa di awal bulan, ya di si bulan Januari ini. Seakan-akan tahun ini emang benar-benar di-restart. Akhirnya, kita butuh waktu beberapa saat untuk kembali bisa beradaptasi lagi. Ada banyak hal baru, adjustment lagi. Tahun baru semacam menerima paket baru. Tugas baru lagi untuk naik level, atau tugas yang sama karena levelnya belum selesai. Januari seakan-akan menjadi semacam penentu.
Aku menulis ini, hanya sebagai pengukuhan saja kalau semua akan baik-baik saja. Aku merasa beberapa tahun belakangan ini 'program'nya sama. Ada semacam - refresh - di awal tahun. Dan seberjalannya tahun, kita jadi bisa lebih tahu patternnya seperti apa. Mungkin... ini hanya terjadi sama aku saja.
Either way, I have been thinking if I still have 300 more days to conclude what kind of year 2017 is. I feel good about it; though, these gloomy and sunny days coming and going. At least, I am starting with small goals. Building up what I am aiming. Little by little. So chin up Chen :) soon is February, nggak ada lagi lagu galau ...
harusnya...
haha...
Walaupun mungkin aku harus sedikit merubah rencanaku di tahun 2017 karena segala unexpected things yang terjadi tahun lalu, aku masih merasa positif, kalau tahun 2017 akan menjadi tahun yang menyenangkan lagi :).
Kunobatkan bulan Januari sebagai bulan yang mengajariku untuk bersabar... karena terlalu banyak hal yang cepat-cepat ingin kuketahui. Apakah aku jadi ke Belanda atau Penang tahun ini seperti yang kurencanakan sebelumnya? Apakah aku akan sukses tahun ini? Apakah 20 buku bisa terbaca tahun ini? Apakah aku akan bertemu teman baru? Apakah hubungan-hubungan dengan orang terdekatku akan lebih baik? Apakah akan ada anjing baru? Pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini muncul secara voluntary, Tentu saja, aku masih punya 300 hari ke depan untuk bisa mennyelesaikan satu per satu. Ah Chen,... nikmati saja. Tidak usah terlalu terburu-buru. Nikmati segala perasaan; sakitnya, bahagianya. Tidak perlu terkaburkan dengan ketakutanmu sendiri. Begitulah caranya untuk menghadapi tahun baru.
#iknowiamrandom
Cheers
CVB
Aku bukan orang yang percaya cosmic, atau tahayul, tapi tidak sepenuhnya merunut pada kitab suci juga. Aku menikmati hidup dengan berbagai dimensi. Aku jelaskan ini karena hanya ingin mengungkapkan perasaan di hati saja.
Selalunya, tiap tahun itu kurang lebih mempunyai big theme. Contohnya di tahun 2015, kejadian-kejadian yang terjadi semuanya seakan-akan adalah jawaban atas doa atau permohonan aku secara nggak langsung. Aku kepengen ke US, di bulan April aku diberi kesempatan. Aku sedang bertanya-tanya, tiba-tiba aku dikasih kesempatan untuk menyelesaikan pertanyaanku. Susah dipercaya, tapi memang begitu. Tahun 2016, uji kesabaran. Semuanya serba misterius, menggantung, dan pelan-pelan terselesaikan. Jadi, seperti apakah tahun 2017?
Bulan Januari menjadi bulan yang galau hanya gara-gara, aku sendiri belum bisa memutuskan tahun macam apa ini. Apa yang harus aku siapkan, ceritanya nanti seperti apa. Masih meraba-raba. Bulan Januari sebagai bulan awal, dan juga bisa kusebut sebagai bulan transisi. Bulan penuh observasi. Tentu saja, aku percaya bahwa hidup itu bukan pre-destined seutuhnya. Manusia bebas memilih, tapi... aku percaya bahwa aku nggak sepernuhnya bergerak sendiri. Hidup aku seperti dituntun. Ada sebuah benang merah yang bisa aku jadikan panutan sepanjang tahun ini. At least that was what happened
Bulan Januari juga menurutku seperti satu fase setelah kita menekan tombol restart. Seperti ada babak baru yang dimulai. Kadang, rencana yang tersusun tahun lalu bisa berubah 180 derajat di tahun yang baru. Dan semua perubahan ini cukup terasa di awal bulan, ya di si bulan Januari ini. Seakan-akan tahun ini emang benar-benar di-restart. Akhirnya, kita butuh waktu beberapa saat untuk kembali bisa beradaptasi lagi. Ada banyak hal baru, adjustment lagi. Tahun baru semacam menerima paket baru. Tugas baru lagi untuk naik level, atau tugas yang sama karena levelnya belum selesai. Januari seakan-akan menjadi semacam penentu.
Aku menulis ini, hanya sebagai pengukuhan saja kalau semua akan baik-baik saja. Aku merasa beberapa tahun belakangan ini 'program'nya sama. Ada semacam - refresh - di awal tahun. Dan seberjalannya tahun, kita jadi bisa lebih tahu patternnya seperti apa. Mungkin... ini hanya terjadi sama aku saja.
Either way, I have been thinking if I still have 300 more days to conclude what kind of year 2017 is. I feel good about it; though, these gloomy and sunny days coming and going. At least, I am starting with small goals. Building up what I am aiming. Little by little. So chin up Chen :) soon is February, nggak ada lagi lagu galau ...
harusnya...
haha...
Walaupun mungkin aku harus sedikit merubah rencanaku di tahun 2017 karena segala unexpected things yang terjadi tahun lalu, aku masih merasa positif, kalau tahun 2017 akan menjadi tahun yang menyenangkan lagi :).
Kunobatkan bulan Januari sebagai bulan yang mengajariku untuk bersabar... karena terlalu banyak hal yang cepat-cepat ingin kuketahui. Apakah aku jadi ke Belanda atau Penang tahun ini seperti yang kurencanakan sebelumnya? Apakah aku akan sukses tahun ini? Apakah 20 buku bisa terbaca tahun ini? Apakah aku akan bertemu teman baru? Apakah hubungan-hubungan dengan orang terdekatku akan lebih baik? Apakah akan ada anjing baru? Pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini muncul secara voluntary, Tentu saja, aku masih punya 300 hari ke depan untuk bisa mennyelesaikan satu per satu. Ah Chen,... nikmati saja. Tidak usah terlalu terburu-buru. Nikmati segala perasaan; sakitnya, bahagianya. Tidak perlu terkaburkan dengan ketakutanmu sendiri. Begitulah caranya untuk menghadapi tahun baru.
#iknowiamrandom
Cheers
CVB
Saturday, January 7, 2017
New Year - New Spirit
New year.
New responsibilities.
New challenges.
New page.
and perhaps new hair cut.
But now, let's take a look back to 2016.
As I have repeated and scattered around the posts here in there, 2016 was a year full of surprises. The bad ones and also the good ones. It was a year of evolving. It was exactly like an apprentice got a harsh training, when she passed the test, there's a reward, but then the trainer gave a little twist here and there. Crazy. It was one full of many emotions.
First half of 2016 was incredibly harsh. I got traumatised by an event in February 2016 which I could not go into details. By June, everything is starting to go into places. However, things are still unsure. The fate of Malang office was ambiguous throughout 2016. Not to mention, my plan to go to South Korea was also in the shaky place.
I was trying not to expect too much in the end of the day. A bit mellow here and there. But, I got my supporters behind me :) Especially my Tiga Srikandi. I am salute. They were strong enough even though they got such a blurred future as well.
By the smeared of faith, I got through 2016, and November was the peaks of almost everything. I got my visa approved to South Korea a week before departure. Furthermore, I got a call a day before I got my long vacation. The answer that Malang team seek was finally revealed, but not without surprise. I was asked to move to Surabaya, Malang office will keep going and still under my supervision. What a twist. I never imagined that the end of our road would be like that.
Therefore, here I am typing from Surabaya, exactly a month after my replacement. Meaning, 2017 started off fresh. New things, new responsibilities, new circumstances, new hair cut I may add. I passed 2016 with a lot of repressed emotion. I was over-whelmed for even the last days of 2016, it still gave me little surprise. However, I was not letting it to stir my faith in life. Faith about believing one heart says. No matter how hard my heart feels in grief, there is still a calamity in it. Strange, but it is what it is.
2016 was indeed a year of twists and weddings and a lot of flying. From a wedding in Kuala Lumpur, a bridesmaid in Medan, another wedding in Jakarta, and my bestie's wedding in Surbaya and Solo. Fiuh!!! Lots of weddings indeed.
Nevertheless, I couldn't lie that 2016 also gave me a lot of second chances! A chance to repair an old wound, a taste of simple love, a reminder for giving in, a dream or two coming true. At least, I got to go to South Korea. It meant a lot despite the unfortunate event involving losing money, it wouldn't lessen my gratitude towards life. 2016 has prepared me for a bigger me in 2017. It knew that all events happened o form a stronger me. 2017 started off pretty rough. New circumstances, new responsibilities, and suddenly a closed friend of mine might have a problem that he tries to process by himself first. Hope he is doing well, hope I can adjust fast. I am pretty positive that everything is going alright.
I also want to give a little space for those who left the world in 2016. One of them was my grandpa's sister in law. Please don't surprise if I am closed to my big family, including the extended family. Oma Hetty was one of those who kept closed with us even afteropa Tjiong *grandpa's brother passed away years ago. She even presented when my mom passed away in 2013. Couldn't forget about it. Love her spirit and I am missing her sweet smile. Also Maciu. Ah Maciu... she's one of my nannies when I was little. She's my mambo's aunt. Hope you two have a smooth journey. May God forgive all your sins and we love you.
Oh my. looking back the past two years, I am basically aware that each year has its own big theme. 2015 was a year of fulfilled prayers. 2016 was a year of twists. and.. how about 2017? Regardless the big theme that is going to be plotted, here is the list I want to list for 2017. The more realistic ones.
1. 20 books reading challenge.
2. 60 kg, 3 kg more to go haha
3. Building up a steadier praying habit :)
4. Traveling to Penang and the Netherlands, possibly South Korea again if things getting crazier :)
5. Laid back, Relax... Enjoy the ride.
Have fun! Not to worry over things, falling in love! Not afraid of heartbroken or sadness. Life is too short to be wasted. It is cliche, and true at the same time :)
In 2016, I have learned that every hardship as the antidotes haha. The bad things and the good things happening hand in hand.
Oh 2016, thank you soooo mucccchhh. More things to be grateful compared all the crazy shits happened. I love it. Though I have to admit, that I concluded 2016 with a tear in my eyes and smiling, all at once.
My new year eve was a blessing. I got to wait till midnight with my grand ma and grand pa. They are 95 years old! However, my grandma could stll read and told her opinion. She gave me a little wisdom that night. She told me "kau harus berdoa. berdoa saja. cerita apa yang kau punya susah. Nanti biar Tuhan yang atur" - translated as "you have to pray. Just pray. Tell what is burdening you. Let God takes care of it" what a blessing! :) My 95 year old oma is jjang!
Hello 2017. I am ready! Bring it on!
CVB
New responsibilities.
New challenges.
New page.
and perhaps new hair cut.
But now, let's take a look back to 2016.
As I have repeated and scattered around the posts here in there, 2016 was a year full of surprises. The bad ones and also the good ones. It was a year of evolving. It was exactly like an apprentice got a harsh training, when she passed the test, there's a reward, but then the trainer gave a little twist here and there. Crazy. It was one full of many emotions.
First half of 2016 was incredibly harsh. I got traumatised by an event in February 2016 which I could not go into details. By June, everything is starting to go into places. However, things are still unsure. The fate of Malang office was ambiguous throughout 2016. Not to mention, my plan to go to South Korea was also in the shaky place.
I was trying not to expect too much in the end of the day. A bit mellow here and there. But, I got my supporters behind me :) Especially my Tiga Srikandi. I am salute. They were strong enough even though they got such a blurred future as well.
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| Tiga Srikandi |
By the smeared of faith, I got through 2016, and November was the peaks of almost everything. I got my visa approved to South Korea a week before departure. Furthermore, I got a call a day before I got my long vacation. The answer that Malang team seek was finally revealed, but not without surprise. I was asked to move to Surabaya, Malang office will keep going and still under my supervision. What a twist. I never imagined that the end of our road would be like that.
Therefore, here I am typing from Surabaya, exactly a month after my replacement. Meaning, 2017 started off fresh. New things, new responsibilities, new circumstances, new hair cut I may add. I passed 2016 with a lot of repressed emotion. I was over-whelmed for even the last days of 2016, it still gave me little surprise. However, I was not letting it to stir my faith in life. Faith about believing one heart says. No matter how hard my heart feels in grief, there is still a calamity in it. Strange, but it is what it is.
2016 was indeed a year of twists and weddings and a lot of flying. From a wedding in Kuala Lumpur, a bridesmaid in Medan, another wedding in Jakarta, and my bestie's wedding in Surbaya and Solo. Fiuh!!! Lots of weddings indeed.
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| Cacuk's day - Kuala Lumpur |
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| Elvina - Solo |
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| Eriko - Jakarta |
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| Ket2 - Surabaya |
Nevertheless, I couldn't lie that 2016 also gave me a lot of second chances! A chance to repair an old wound, a taste of simple love, a reminder for giving in, a dream or two coming true. At least, I got to go to South Korea. It meant a lot despite the unfortunate event involving losing money, it wouldn't lessen my gratitude towards life. 2016 has prepared me for a bigger me in 2017. It knew that all events happened o form a stronger me. 2017 started off pretty rough. New circumstances, new responsibilities, and suddenly a closed friend of mine might have a problem that he tries to process by himself first. Hope he is doing well, hope I can adjust fast. I am pretty positive that everything is going alright.I also want to give a little space for those who left the world in 2016. One of them was my grandpa's sister in law. Please don't surprise if I am closed to my big family, including the extended family. Oma Hetty was one of those who kept closed with us even afteropa Tjiong *grandpa's brother passed away years ago. She even presented when my mom passed away in 2013. Couldn't forget about it. Love her spirit and I am missing her sweet smile. Also Maciu. Ah Maciu... she's one of my nannies when I was little. She's my mambo's aunt. Hope you two have a smooth journey. May God forgive all your sins and we love you.
Oh my. looking back the past two years, I am basically aware that each year has its own big theme. 2015 was a year of fulfilled prayers. 2016 was a year of twists. and.. how about 2017? Regardless the big theme that is going to be plotted, here is the list I want to list for 2017. The more realistic ones.
1. 20 books reading challenge.
2. 60 kg, 3 kg more to go haha
3. Building up a steadier praying habit :)
4. Traveling to Penang and the Netherlands, possibly South Korea again if things getting crazier :)
5. Laid back, Relax... Enjoy the ride.
Have fun! Not to worry over things, falling in love! Not afraid of heartbroken or sadness. Life is too short to be wasted. It is cliche, and true at the same time :)
In 2016, I have learned that every hardship as the antidotes haha. The bad things and the good things happening hand in hand.
Oh 2016, thank you soooo mucccchhh. More things to be grateful compared all the crazy shits happened. I love it. Though I have to admit, that I concluded 2016 with a tear in my eyes and smiling, all at once.
My new year eve was a blessing. I got to wait till midnight with my grand ma and grand pa. They are 95 years old! However, my grandma could stll read and told her opinion. She gave me a little wisdom that night. She told me "kau harus berdoa. berdoa saja. cerita apa yang kau punya susah. Nanti biar Tuhan yang atur" - translated as "you have to pray. Just pray. Tell what is burdening you. Let God takes care of it" what a blessing! :) My 95 year old oma is jjang!
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| my beautiful oma... |
Hello 2017. I am ready! Bring it on!
CVB
Monday, January 2, 2017
Sweet Seoul - a Korean Drama
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! Shoot.. it's been like a year-story-ago, but I haven't got a chance to write about it. Life in 2016 is super hectic with all the unexpected things. Literally!
I am speechless. 2016 is really something. Making me cringe and smile at that time. Making me clench my teeth and laugh at the same time. Especially November. I couldn't express November in a word since there have been so many things happened. Nonetheless, this post will be entirely about my trip to South Korea... :)
Yes baby! Finally I MADE IT! Even though, it was not without a drama lol
Before we dig into a deeper passage, let me remind you that I am going to come back stronger in 2017. Expecting more exciting posts in Strawbearies or in Let's Talk. I know I owed you a loooot in the last 3 months of 2016. But hey, it was worth it. :) More details will be revealed in some other time.
First thing first, this has been my dream since long ago. Maybe even before I graduated from college. I was serious about it in 2014, and joined my dream is a friend of mine; meda. We had an innitial talk back in 2014 about meeting in South Korea. Both of us are the victims of K-Wave; however, what's more special about us is we love the underdogs. Forget the big names; we love 10cm, Sweet sorrow, etc etc. Therefore, in 2015 we seriously thought about it, and set November 2016 to be the best time. First reason was autumn, and second reason was my work load would not be so much. Frankly speaking, I had a doubt in the middle of 2016 because I had so many spending. Many unexpected travellings.
There I was with my cousin, Gina travelled all the way from Surabaya and Makassar, met in Jakarta hours before our departure to Incheon! All hyped up. We all worked on our visa by our own. Our visa were granted a week before our departure. Thumbs up eh?
Nov 21st and 27th of November was the period of joy and devastating part in my life haha. Now, which one first, I need to reveal? Chronoligically?
Anyway, we arrived in Korea in the morning of 21st, Monday. We loved our place. We lived in airbnb near by Hongdae, very conviniently across Hongdae Station exit 5. It was a lofted officetell, was clean and neat. We were excited of our new place, and we were ready for our very first adventure in Seoul that very Morning.
Hongdae, Shinchon, and Edae, the golden triangle of universities. I personally love Universities and the surrounding. That was why we picked Hongdae as our staying place. As I have predicted, I fell in love with Seoul! That's it. That very first day, I claimed my self liking the place so much. We went there in the end of Fall season, yellows and reds were still around. Our first adventure was Ehwa University and the Gwanghamun gate and Cheongyecheon river. I always wanted to go to Ehwa University. It has the unique architecture, and I was amazed that Universities in South Korea was influenced by European style of architecture. Lovin it.
When in the heart of Seoul, the road was still having the mark of ancient Korea, not to mention tha grand mountains behind the panorama. The dried river, the old shrine, and so on. It was lovely. On top of that, in front of the statue of Lee Sun Shin *the great general, there was a conselebrated mass held for the Sewol Ferry victims back in 2014. Me and Gina were excited over the simple coincidence. We got to see a national event.
I am speechless. 2016 is really something. Making me cringe and smile at that time. Making me clench my teeth and laugh at the same time. Especially November. I couldn't express November in a word since there have been so many things happened. Nonetheless, this post will be entirely about my trip to South Korea... :)
Yes baby! Finally I MADE IT! Even though, it was not without a drama lol
Before we dig into a deeper passage, let me remind you that I am going to come back stronger in 2017. Expecting more exciting posts in Strawbearies or in Let's Talk. I know I owed you a loooot in the last 3 months of 2016. But hey, it was worth it. :) More details will be revealed in some other time.
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| Meda |
There I was with my cousin, Gina travelled all the way from Surabaya and Makassar, met in Jakarta hours before our departure to Incheon! All hyped up. We all worked on our visa by our own. Our visa were granted a week before our departure. Thumbs up eh?
Nov 21st and 27th of November was the period of joy and devastating part in my life haha. Now, which one first, I need to reveal? Chronoligically?
Anyway, we arrived in Korea in the morning of 21st, Monday. We loved our place. We lived in airbnb near by Hongdae, very conviniently across Hongdae Station exit 5. It was a lofted officetell, was clean and neat. We were excited of our new place, and we were ready for our very first adventure in Seoul that very Morning.
Hongdae, Shinchon, and Edae, the golden triangle of universities. I personally love Universities and the surrounding. That was why we picked Hongdae as our staying place. As I have predicted, I fell in love with Seoul! That's it. That very first day, I claimed my self liking the place so much. We went there in the end of Fall season, yellows and reds were still around. Our first adventure was Ehwa University and the Gwanghamun gate and Cheongyecheon river. I always wanted to go to Ehwa University. It has the unique architecture, and I was amazed that Universities in South Korea was influenced by European style of architecture. Lovin it.
 |
| Ehwa Univ |
When in the heart of Seoul, the road was still having the mark of ancient Korea, not to mention tha grand mountains behind the panorama. The dried river, the old shrine, and so on. It was lovely. On top of that, in front of the statue of Lee Sun Shin *the great general, there was a conselebrated mass held for the Sewol Ferry victims back in 2014. Me and Gina were excited over the simple coincidence. We got to see a national event.
 |
| Seoul |
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| Seoul, Requim Mass |
Monday, November 14, 2016
Currently Post - November story
It has been a week in November, and don't know why and how, but November will be the peak of 2016.
Honestly, 2016 is like a long suspense drama. Each story is revealed bits by bits leading to a big climax. The ending can be anything. We can make a guess, but plot twist is also a probability. Since, everything happened in 2016 is unexpected so far. Also, though there are things that have been expected, the story will not be the same as I have thought. It can be worse, can also be better version of what I have expected. So, trying to guess what is 2016 about is just wasting my energy.
I have been feeling uneasy since the beginning of 2016. I have one event that I couldn't tell, because I have no courage to repeat it in my head as I am telling it. It already made my world shaken a little bit. Then, it has been ups and downs in 2016. Actually it is more exciting than I can imagine remembering all the bad things happened as a starter of the year. Things which have been happened, obviously is having connection to each other. At least it is nurturing for me to get prepared of whatever the ending given.
We all living in the uncertainty right? However, there is an obvious case and hidden one. Currently, I am facing a very exposed matter that I am dying to know the ending so bad. Not only one, but more... Unfortunately, I am planning to let you know once I am facing the certainty about it which should be revealed soon. At least one thing is pretty clear now. For this matter, it is related to traveling story.
Yes baby... I'll be traveling again soon :)
I am going to be a bridesmaid in Surabaya and I will continue my journey to the place, I'll be revealing once I am there :)
Talking about this traveling adventure.
I have been planning this for a long loooong time. Truly a long time. In 2014, I have talked about this plan to a friend who has similar liking about traveling. Last year, we made a promise to do it at least this year, and finally it is happening.
It is another completion when I just take care of everything about it financially. I got my visa without my parents' help. For me, it is achievement. I grew up in the middle class environment when sometimes we are spoiled. Parents can help. I still get some help like borrowing credit card to buy ticket since my credit card limit is not enough, but other than that, I am proud to say that I am able to do it on my own. It is not bragging, but a proof that I am celebrating my independence.
Therefore, I am willing to enjoy my trip at the fullest. By not over-doing it. Plan things imperfectly, and go along the wind blows. Not saying that I am not having itinerary, but I am trying not to be greedy haha...
Again, 2016... I don't know how to define you anymore. You are like a tvN drama which is revealing a little mystery time by time.
lol
oh my
CVB
Honestly, 2016 is like a long suspense drama. Each story is revealed bits by bits leading to a big climax. The ending can be anything. We can make a guess, but plot twist is also a probability. Since, everything happened in 2016 is unexpected so far. Also, though there are things that have been expected, the story will not be the same as I have thought. It can be worse, can also be better version of what I have expected. So, trying to guess what is 2016 about is just wasting my energy.
I have been feeling uneasy since the beginning of 2016. I have one event that I couldn't tell, because I have no courage to repeat it in my head as I am telling it. It already made my world shaken a little bit. Then, it has been ups and downs in 2016. Actually it is more exciting than I can imagine remembering all the bad things happened as a starter of the year. Things which have been happened, obviously is having connection to each other. At least it is nurturing for me to get prepared of whatever the ending given.
We all living in the uncertainty right? However, there is an obvious case and hidden one. Currently, I am facing a very exposed matter that I am dying to know the ending so bad. Not only one, but more... Unfortunately, I am planning to let you know once I am facing the certainty about it which should be revealed soon. At least one thing is pretty clear now. For this matter, it is related to traveling story.
Yes baby... I'll be traveling again soon :)
I am going to be a bridesmaid in Surabaya and I will continue my journey to the place, I'll be revealing once I am there :)
Talking about this traveling adventure.
I have been planning this for a long loooong time. Truly a long time. In 2014, I have talked about this plan to a friend who has similar liking about traveling. Last year, we made a promise to do it at least this year, and finally it is happening.
It is another completion when I just take care of everything about it financially. I got my visa without my parents' help. For me, it is achievement. I grew up in the middle class environment when sometimes we are spoiled. Parents can help. I still get some help like borrowing credit card to buy ticket since my credit card limit is not enough, but other than that, I am proud to say that I am able to do it on my own. It is not bragging, but a proof that I am celebrating my independence.
Therefore, I am willing to enjoy my trip at the fullest. By not over-doing it. Plan things imperfectly, and go along the wind blows. Not saying that I am not having itinerary, but I am trying not to be greedy haha...
Again, 2016... I don't know how to define you anymore. You are like a tvN drama which is revealing a little mystery time by time.
lol
oh my
CVB
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