3rd October 2011-2015

It was 4 years ago, I dragged my heavy luggages and legs to Minnesota International airport along with 7 other good good friends who just sincerely wished me to be well. That day was my farewell to America after 4 years being my home. Can't believe that it is 4 years already since that day. My life has been a roller coaster. Moving from one city to another. Crawling my steps to the position I have now.

I can say, I am proud of my self.

I am proud that I overcome all the obstacles that I had long before. I finally made a peace with my pasts, and bravely facing what is in the front. I love how life has brought me to the growth I have. How funny that there is a fusion in me. I keep trying to define myself. Am I Asian? Am I American? Am I Indonesian? Chinese? Dumb? Smart? Crazy? Normal?
In the end, I just conclude that I am a fusion just like California roll. I have Asian taste and a little bit of American hint. I am open minded yet pretty conservative. I am extrovert yet I respect some private times. Albeit still having a hard time to tolerate with "budaya Sungkan yang tidak pada tempatnya" a.k.a. Indonesian way of 'morals' (I am not generalizing, just to the extend where it is too much to have this type of attitude). Sungkan - hesitate?  We are taught to 'respect' others by simply admitting or avoiding conflicts which sometimes is not really working. E.g. we hesitate to tell that we are annoyed by their attitude just to avoid conflict between us. In the end, we ended up having poker face and talk behind their backs. Again, I am not trying to generalize. I am OK with this type of attitude if it is really used in the right way. Me my self have been learning to increase the level of 'budaya sungkan' in me.
Before I went to the States, I was really outspoken to the point people got hurt because of my words. While I was in the States, I realized how bad I was dealing with this habit. A friend reminded me of how bad it was, and I tried to hold every sentence that came out from me. Filtering it. As a result, when I was back in Indonesia for good, I became too secretive. I tried so hard to still have my own space.It turned out to be not so good as well. This type of attitude is too much for a collective culture. But please... not letting your boss that you are going home (pamit, saying good bye) just because you are 'sungkan' that the boss is in the middle of meeting was just TOO MUCH. Simply leaving a message will do! Your boss needs to know her staff where and about during office hour (I am still bewildered recalling his reason. haha, sorry for the mixed terms).
Anyway, I love how collectivity and individuality culture takes part in myself. Like balancing out. Not too this and not too that. I am so grateful that I have experienced individuality and then back to the collectivity roots. I think I may say I am back with another level of me. A better one I may say.
I am still way far from perfect and not trying to be one. I am just glad to be who I am now. Appreciate of what I have been through. The ups and downs. I know I am blessed.

Just like what I had posted before, let's just count on small miracles that happening around. It is the best way to stay positive. Since the world now requires you more and bigger and stronger positive energy.

#celebratinglife

CVB