Currently...

Can't wait for April!
It is 2 weeks away, yet I just want to rush everything.
I am sorry to keep telling you how I can't wait for April.  I honestly don't have a high expectation of what will be going on. I purely am just excited of what will happen. How it will happen, I don't really care. Oh well... sorry again to keep telling you this without explaining of what is going to happen. hahaha Don't worry, I am not getting married. hahahaha

March is in contrary with February which full of rides. March is stable as the river flows with the low current. Only the first week which I have made a 72 hours away to Hong Kong. Other than that, nothing much. Even in my personal excitement, I haven't found anything new that excites me. However, I will keep update about my 'currently post'

1. Elmo and Newsies are still my medicine for sadness. I just figure that they keep me happy and my mind healthy out of boredom. March is so calm, and I feel kinda lazy. Watching them late in a day making me smile before falling asleep.

2. Health life, I still drink my lemon infused water, and start to swim week to week. However, I haven't been cooking for a long time. Maybe on my day off, I will jumble around the kitchen again. I gain and loose exactly 3 kg every time before I have my period and while I am having my period. weird!

3. My reading mood is deteriorating. I have read Jhumpa Lahiri's Namesake for about 3 weeks now. My #menuju30buku is a failure. hahahaha. Whenever I went to bookstore, there's nothing new. I am looking forward some excitement of new books, or desire to read. But none of it. I bet this month is about rejuvenation in a calmer way.

4. My mood in writing is taking a rest as well. My MABOG is in hiatus for about 2 weeks now, though I have made a couple of posts that are ready to posted. I am just not in a mood. What do you think? post about Love and Faith (Indonesian Movie) or the Glimpse of Musical world?

5. I  am currently in a huge crush on Sarang (Superman returns), Lee Dong Wook (Roomate), and Beauty Bloggers. Into make up. I finally realize that make up is about shading and shadows. You want to hide something while you want to show something else. Playing with colors is fun. My current fan is Fleur Deforce, Essie Button, and Andra Alodita. Been trying a couple of tricks. However, I haven't found a good corner of my room to take a picture. haha.

Sarang-chan

I guess, March is where I need to calm my self before my adventure in April aaand the big one and the new one in June.

Seriously, January and February were about work loads. March is just so quiet. In addition to that, we are in a lent season. Is this a time where silence speaks louder? Where you can find answers trough silence? I honestly find it monotone. Hardly thinking of anything. Just about lazing around and snoozing off here and there.
I am sorry, I still can't talk much about what's going on in April that makes me so excited. Apart of being 26, is another 'dreams come true' moment. Just hold on a little bit. I will tell you every single beat of it.

Another thing, I just realize that I have typed so many posts on this blog in 2015. Maybe because my current reading is in English. I find my self like a sponge. If I read in Bahasa, I will write in Bahasa, if I read in English, I will write in English.

Hopefully, in the end of March, I can perform better. I just need to rest for a bit. Pampering my self this weekend by lazying around my bed. Jump into swimming on Tuesday. What do you think?

And oh I realllyyyy want my hair to grow. 


CVB

The Engo Way

March is finally here!
Guess what, March was just started with bad and good news came hand in hand. Good news leading to upcoming 'Wonderful April' (I just make it up right now). As you might have noticed, I can't wait for April! However, I can' tell you what's about it, but some of you might have a guess. Anyway!

The beginning of March, I got a very shocking news came from my mambo's side of family. A cousin from her only uncle who is still alive, passed away suddenly. The cousin is the only child and her dad is around early 80s. I barely knew her,but somehow, this news shook me terribly. I was affected by death in different way now. But, let me tell you this. This news was really striking.
Firstly, it's a daughter of the only uncle left of my grand pa's siblings. He, the grand-uncle was closed to my mom, but at some point, he and my mom and the rest of her siblings were not in a good term. However, the day my mom passed away, he called us from HongKong and was deeply sad and hurt. He wept like a child on the phone, and continually said how sorry he was. Over and over again. There was definitely a sincerity in there.
Secondly, my grand-uncle was hospitalized and just heard the news a day after his daughter passed away. When I knew this, my heart was aching. It was already bad, but knowing it after all it happened, it might double the pain.

I personally never travelled because someone passed away. When mambo gone, many of her relatives and friends were coming from out of town. I never experienced it because I felt not too affected and also my dad could represent us. There were times, I wanted to go home when someone passed away, but I was already scheduled to be out of town, and also as I mentioned before, my dad could be present.

This time, I decided to fly to Hong Kong to visit my grand-uncle. Again, I have just met him a couple of times, we were not really closed. My uncles and aunts could not make it, but surprisingly I already planned to take a Saturday off. When I heard the cremation was postponed to Monday the following week, I just intuitively decided to go to Hong Kong. My travelling time was exactly 72 hours. I only spent around 36 hours or so in Hong Kong. I was only at my grand-uncle's place, did not go anywhere, even not to the funeral house, since my aunt's body was still kept in the hospital.

I was terribly tired; nonetheless, I was fully contented. Grand-uncle did not recognize me at first, but then, when he was seated nicely at his house after lunch, he then looked at me carefully, and finally recognized me. I was afraid that he might be furious with a reason I could not explain myself. Regardless of the assumption, he embraced me warmly. Warmer by the time passed. I could sense his vulnerability. I was there to represent my own grand-pa, his own big bro, and also my mom and the rest of her siblings. I was glad I did it. My point was just to pay a visit to my grand-uncle and maybe this was a sort way of reconciliation. His wife also recognized me, and to my surprise, I suddenly could understand Chinese.
I believe if my mom was still alive and strong, she might fly out to Hong Kong. If she was not in a good condition, I could picture her to arrange something to her uncle. For my personal insight, I wanted to call this the "Engo Way." Engo is my mom's Chinese name, and what the rest of her relatives called her. As my mom has gone, I strangely had a weird responsibility to continue what my mom would do, especially if it deals with her side of family. I have tried my best to attend every wedding I could, and possibly every funeral. If not, I would pay a visit to their graveyard once I am in hometown. It is like I need to represent her.

To my aunt, she died so young and so sudden. I went to Hong Kong for the first time to attend her wedding, 16 years ago. My mom was the only representative of her own family. Again, 16 years later, I went to Hong Kong for the second time, and who knew that it was to say good bye to my aunt. For the second trip, I realized how beautiful Hong Kong as a country is. Mountains on the side, ocean is on the other side. Tunnels, and amazing infrastructure. However, the buildings were sad, and people look unhappy. It might be only me. I came to windy March weather and foggy day.

Through this occasion, I saw a new side of the Ho family (my mom's family name). How they were hand in hand showed support. How they were extremely good in English. Also, through this occasion, I knew a new side of my mom's siblings. I was so proud to my own uncles and aunts. How they have put their pride aside and showed some supports to their only uncle left (paternal). I can say that my ai (aunt, in Chinese) brought the family once again.

To ai,
You went so fast, and people around you were terribly sad. I know you had been a wonderful daughter, wife, mother, and friends. You left an incredible memory to every one of them. Though, we only met briefly, but I cherished every moment of it.

May you rest in peace, and please say Hello to my mambo up there.

CVB

The only picture I had, having most of my uncles, taken in 2003