Katakanlah ini sebuah Elegi

Masih bulan Agustus, langit sudah mendung.
Aku menengadah. Begitu kelabu.
Baru saja memasuki tahun baru, tidak lama lagi,akan merayakan natal.
Ha begitu banyak yang terlewat, begitu membosankan.

Rasa kopi makin pahit
hati masih sakit

Tidak ada yang benar kecuali aku sekarang sendiri.
hanya sendiri.

Buku-buku tak terbaca
Video streaming yang kelamaan loading.
makanan yang itu-itu saja.
dan tembok yang makin lama makin menguning

Tidak ada yang baru kecuali aku sekarang sendiri.
Benar-benar sendiri.

diletakannya cangkir kopi yang tak habis. Menarik napas panjang sambil menggulung lengan kemejanya. Jas kerjanya terlampir di tangannya. Ia membayar kopi yang ia minum lalu berjalan keluar meninggalkan tempat itu.  

Pintu kafe berbunyi ketika dia keluar. 
Cangkirnya lalu dibawa pelayan ke dalam, kursi bekas dia duduk dikembalikan di posisi semula. Bekas cangkir kopi di meja dilap begitu saja. 
Tak lama kemudian, pintu kafe berbunyi lagi, orang lain menempati kursi itu. Pelayan yang sama melayani pengunjung baru. Tidak ada lagi bekas-bekas tentang dia di kafe itu. 
Begitu halnya dia di dalam kehidupan seseorang yang lain... yang tidak perlu kita panjang lebarkan di sini. 



CVB

That Last Day Again. That New Place Again

Part 1

That Last Day Again

May 28th 2015

Gosh, it's always hard to say goodbye even though I am not leaving the company. However, I am going to move to the other city. Ending my 1 year and 9 months and 10 days in East Surabaya office, I felt loved. Despite my rough time in the beginning, annoying colleagues, stressful moments, and other negativity, I learnt a lot and in the end, established a beautiful bond with these crazy peeps. There was a high turn-over, but for those who remained, we all agree that we are the crazy bunch who have survived.
I have this love-hate feeling towards Good Bye. It is a bittersweet feeling. You always feel loved when it comes to good bye. Yes, there might be people who relieved that they are going to separate with you. Yes, it is always hard to be parting with something that you are used to, you are comfortable with. Then, people will say, "if you want to move forward, you have to go out of your comfort zone." (long sigh)
So, here I am on my last day in the office. Got a little surprise from my crazy colleagues. They knew me too well. I was given a big Plush of ELMO, a towel, and last batch of Starbucks! I will not have a lot of chance of Starbucking in the new city. Good! I need expense-diet. That little surprise has brought tears to my eyes... I love these peeps! Our fun time in the office. Our stressful moments together.
Oh well!
People have been congratulating me and wishing me well. They also said that I must be excited. Excited? Low level yes. Not as much as in the past. Moving to a new place, will have to adjust again, adapt again, get to know around again. I have to step outside my comfort zone again.
At last, everybody is moving forward. There is no time to regret anything. I have to put aside my inner ego to just be under the blanket. Here is that time when I am at the start-point again. Gaah. It is actually not really comfortable, but I have this slight feeling that "everything is going to be alright"
For it is always going to be alright

:)

Till we meet again my Genk Koplak!
Going to miss our BS on skype, everybody's laughter, my kriwul manager, free pizzas and starbucks, and everything about it!

Love you full!!!!

Part 2

That New Place Again

June 2nd 2015

Sorry for getting a little cramp here, but I was so busy till I did not have time to post this up. Therefore, here is a short glimpse of my new place.

Malang is my 4th city to live. I have no idea how long it will last. How it will turn out out. But, surprisingly Malang reminds me of Minneapolis in some ways. One! it is cooler than Surabaya although it is not comparable to Minty Minneapolis' Winter, but it has its own cool weather since it is up in the mountain. Two! I have stayed here for about 4 days and I did more walking than other city I have lived in Indonesia. Just like in Minneapolis, I think I walked about 30-45 minutes to Newman Center every Sunday. Not to mention walking from Marcy Holmes to Downtown. Now it takes me 12-15 minutes to go grocery shopping, and I plan to walk to the church every Sunday and go back by Becak hahahaha. Malang is small, so it is useless to ride a cab. Too short, too much to pay. Three! I live in a rented room of a 20 rooms - house. Reminiscing, Centennial Hall. We have 2 communal kitchens, and people dont really care to each other and most of them are still students. Will see how it goes...It is also walking distance to office, my main reason why I picked this place. 

All in all, I want to tell you one last thing. There is a reason why I felt tired of moving, tired of adapting into a new place. I think it is because I forgot the excitement of 'new place'. New place usually goes with a new hope, new dream, and new life again. I forgot these. I was too immersed to the negativities, to the pressures, and all the bad things that might be happened. I forgot how to have a hope again. Haha. Oh well! New place new hope kinda theory was actually working for me. The fact that I lost nearly 13 kg when I was in Minneapolis can be taken as an example. I had tried so hard to lose weight in Indonesia or Seattle, but it finally worked in Minneapolis. I indeed moved to Minneapolis with a high determination. I think Minneapolis was the place that I excited moving to the most.
Last Sunday I went to the mass, then I started finding my grip again. Mass and church are always the most familiar thing I found in a new place. It reminded me to have a hope again. Just like starting a new habit in this new month (I started a new habit on 1st day of June btw). 

Moving to anew place can be made as when we enter a new year. It is with hope. 

Well! Let's do it right then!

:)

Oh I forgot to tell you. I heart all the houses around my place and office. It is so Dutch influence and pretty! 

Pictures are coming!!!

CVB

Why did I start blogging?

You might have wondered why on earth I could blabber freely about my life, my story, and my thoughts? Were I seeking for attention? Did I not care about privacy?
I have been questioning my self more nowadays. Just because I am back in Indonesia... where people's thought are somewhat important. Though, nobody really protested me, only one of my friends ever said that she would not post anything like I did. She thought, it was not for public's consumption. Here, I am not seeking for an excuse but literally questioning and answering my self at the same time.

When did I start writing a blog?

I think I started with friendster's blognote if you can recall what's friendster is. It was in my senior high years. I think most of my posts were reviews and thoughts. I gained my liking in writing since junior high, but first encounter with blogging in Senior high. Then, I moved to the states. I started posting regularly. Mostly about what I have experienced. Living by my self gave me a lot of time to do thinking, observing, and realizing. Thus, I could really catch detail over what I experienced and found it fascinating. Could get an exciting point of view; thus, I was driven to share. Mostly again about my experience and thoughts. I got a few good comments among my friendster list. They would read it because they would get email saying I posted a blog.

In the second year in Seattle, I made my first blogspot account. It was not really active. I wrote more on facebook notes (I moved to facebook finally). On my blogspot was about some monkey love story haha. Had a big crush. Oh no.

I made a serious comeback in my junior year in Minneapolis. I moved from blogspot to wordpress. My first hit was about my birth day story. I got a lot of positive feedbacks from my college friends. I started having a regular readers whilst I began to write regularly. It was more about college life. What I did, what I got, a little thoughts, and my new favorite; prose. I started to enjoy sharing via a blog. I had a minimum conversation a day when I was in the U. Thus, blogging was kinda my way to communicate. Not saying I was an anti social, but because we were so busy.

I also enjoyed it because it kept me connected with my relatives in the Netherland or in other continent. Kept my friends updated as well. They knew what I went trough, trough a blog. I think blogging was handy.

Now. Why did I start blogging?
Thoughts. Ideas. Loves of writing. Many things. I often found my self had a million things jumbled around in my head; thus, I write it down to make it organized. Started with that, it becomes my habit. Enjoy of writing was one of the biggest reason, but I am not gonna lie that I would like to share my experiences. I was really into blogging when I went abroad, away of my family. Also, when I knew I had regular readers, I was more excited to blog. According to an article of my fave magazines, write an expressive writing such as diary or blogging can help you increasing immune system and lower your stress level. I have mentioned about that in previous posts. Writng is therapeutic.

Am I seeking for popularity? Not really. It's just felt happy when people read my blog. Sometimes they commented, sometimes they were just silent readers. I have made a lot of blog walking. I was in love with a couple blogs of Santa Ursula students. They were my entertainment when I stuck with my final project back in college. The posts were simply about their daily life, and it looked healthy and fun. They started it as a school task. Some of them continued, some not. Had a blog walking was like reading a new book. You know some other stories, some other thoughts, some other silliness. Excitement of sharing. Nothing more.

I dont mind share my personal stories. It is better to tell what is really going on rather than to make people have speculations. It is a better way to get to know my self as well. Not telling you know more about me, but I do too. By blogging, I know my self too. Getting feedbacks are also helping.

I dont know how long I will blog. Will my posts are read by thousands of people like other bloggers? There's a slight wish of that, but for now, I am contented with what I have been doing.

Now, I used to have this huge urge to tell the world that I have watched, encountered, or listened to amazing thngs; thus, I created Sivibi's Mabog which I try to update it weekly. My weakness is lack of discipline. Why do I need such a discipline? To be more serious about blogging. It is fun to do. It is also my way to make my writing getting better. Therefore, I humbly want to thank all of you
For my silent readers out there...
Thank you...
Because of you I still blogging. Keeping my mind healthy.

Please don't get sick of "Isi kepala saya yang berantakan"

took it a year ago, with my Dellby (laptop) was not handicapped and my samsung phone was still alive. 

NEXT on MABOG will be about 'Annie' and a gist of musical world.

CVB

Reading is a new Black, and Writing is a Therapy

If you ever been asked a question; "what goes first, egg or chicken?" the thought of it, is already confusing. Just like when I am asking my self "writing or reading goes first." Did I love reading because I love writing? Or Did I enjoy writing because I love reading.

Reading and writing are two things that I can't live without. I have no idea which one comes first. I might have liked reading first and then enjoy writing. However, I always found exciting when I had to write an essay when I was in elementary. All in all, I can't figure out what comes first, but what I know that I love doing both. It is like complementing each other. I know how to write because I read. I want to read because I enjoy words. The more I write, the more I want to read.

Let's start with who is the one that made me read?
I can answer that my father, Enyd Blyton, J.K. Rowling, and my grand ma from my father's side who made me enjoy reading.
My father was born in 1950s when TV was not so IN on those days, when he spent a lot of days outside, under the sun, and his books. Ever, my grand pa came back from Surabaya, he brought the WHOLE LIBRARY from somebody that moved out from the country. My father was the one that finished them all. He said he probably read thousand of books. Many people would read more than him I believe; nevertheless, my dad was inspiring me to do the same. He is like a walking encyclopedia. He graduated from local university, but he looks like a student who studied abroad. He has so much knowledge but again keeps hungry of it.
Enyd Blyton and J.K. Rowling have made me love reading more. They have had too many great books. I am not saying that they are the best writer, but because I read their books in my early years, I started to enjoy reading so much.
Grand ma has contributed books in my early years New year gift make me used to reading. She would give me as a birthday gift or Christmas present. Laura Ingals, and other classic children write were introduced by her. My favorite is still Enyd Blyton in If the Moon is Blue.
My father said that my grand ma was a great story teller. She enjoyed reading until now in her 90s, she is still reading Dutch Magazines and other stuff every day :) Yes! She's the best story teller ever.

Nowadays, there are many concerns on magazines, personal blogs, or a simple conversation how reading or became literate is important. As one said, Books are the Windows of the World. Not saying if you are not reading, you are not smart, but in fact, people who read more can enhance the knowledge about culture, history, and other people's life. What's the use of it? It slowly but surely makes you to understand others. Reading keeps your imagination bright. What's the importance? To keep your brain works in balance and this leads to a healthier life and reduce the possibility of Alzheimer and other brain disease (arts.mic, 2014). Why do people look smart when they read more? It is literally able to improve your vocabularies (Elsbee.com, 2013). Also, you can travel around the world only through words.

Who is the one made me into writing?
For answering this question, I have to say it is (again) Enyd Blyton and Dee Lestari. My writing is influenced by what I read. My writing style is closed to the writer whose book I read, typically it is full of metaphor and not involving humors, more serious stuff. Too heavy sometimes. People's comment "terlalu sastra." My writing urge usually comes after I read something and feel excited about it. Short stories, novels, are something that I learn to do. I can write it as words are coming naturally, but never had a chance to finish it. Discipline is somehow neglected from my dictionary. I honestly haven't been too serious about writing short stories nor novel. However, I am still practicing in writing a prose or an article like this one. Blogging is one of a way to express my feeling, practicing my writing, and a therapy.Sometime by being melancholy, falling in love, and live alone also contribute in making me love writing. Writing is indeed a therapy.
 Furthermore, it has been published, that writing expressively can reduce the chance to be depressed, and survey said thet people who love writing proven to have a moderately low blood pressure. How does it work? James W. Pennebaker has written that when people expressively write, they take a step back and evaluate their lives. By doing so, they often find solution, or as ones said that writing is like re-telling (art.mic, 2014). Like I always feel. By doing that, you at least releasing the pressure little by little. 

  
Writing is also an art. For those who do not know how to draw, like me, writing can be a beauty. An expression can be explained amazingly in words. For example; 

Home is behind, the world ahead,
and there are many paths to tread
through shadows to the edge of night,
until the stars are all alight -J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of The Ring. (Goodreads quotes)

Needs a talent to write? Maybe not. I don't think I am a talented writer. Dewi 'Dee' Lestari, Leila S. Chudori, or J.K. Rowling have been known as people who love reading. Therefore, writing can be learned. Just like me, I am learning to write in a better way.

For 2015, I am trying to make myself more discipline by publishing post regularly, in my personal blog or SIVIBI's MABOG where I post about reviews. MABOG should be up every Tuesday, weekly.  I will go back and forth with writing in English and Indonesian. I have tried my best to write perfectly. As I said, blogging is my way to practice. Thus, if you find it is not grammatically correct, I hope you can understand.
I also have set my reading goals. 30 books in 2015, I have read 20 books in 2014 (the list is here). Meaning, I have to minimally read 2 to 3 books a month. I should be able to do that, shouldn't I?.


In the end,

I write because I read, I read because I write... 

#writingisart
#writingistherapeutic
#readingisanewblack
CVB

Ketikan Awal Tahun

Di sini aku mengetik hanya sekedar mengingatkan diri bahwa "kerja telah tiba." Bukan lagi "libur telah tiba." Nadaku mungkin terdengar sedikit merana, tapi anehnya aku tak sabar kembali ke rutinitas.
Lucunya, ada sedikit rasa takut yang entah karena apa. Di sisi lain aku rindu rutinitas hidup sendiri di perantauan. Makan packed kimchi, merebus kentang atau menggoreng tahu. Tak sedikit berexperimen di dapur, atau menjelajah gerai makanan di luar. Aku pun ingin kembali berada di meja kerjaku dan menunggu kejutan-kejutan yang akan hadir mewarnai hari-hari di tahun yang baru. Mulai belajar lagi. Menerka-nerka. Berharap-harap cemas. Menelan bulat-bulat kekesalan dan tersenyum ketika ada customer yang datang menyenangkan hati.
Aku tidak mau ambil pusing lagi. Aku memang pemegang remote controlku. Tapi, terkadang aku ingin tidak memencet tombol apapun dan membiarkan segalanya mengalir apa adanya.
Biarkan aku dengan prioritas baruku menulai petualangan di 2015 dengan berdoa...
Ketikan pertama di tahun 2015 ini menjadi wujud doa bahwa aku berserah. Manusia boleh berharap tetapi Yang Maha Kuasa yang menentukan. Tapi, perlu diingat juga bahwa manusia boleh berdoa dan biarkan Yang Maha Kuasa menjawabnya di saatNya yang tepat.

Aku bertanya-tanya saat ini. Seperti apakah skenario di tahun 2015?
Aku benar-benar tak sabar...

Selamat Tahun Baru ☺

NEXT: menilik 2014