I bid adieu

22nd of August in 2013, I first came to Surabaya and on 22nd of December in 2018, I flew one way flight to Makassar. I am home for good (again). 2013-2018 was indeed a very colorful period in my life. Never in a minute, that I was putting to stay still. Things were dynamics, were ups and downs, and were ended in unexpected twist. Nevertheless, everything does not leave me in regrets, but a grateful heart. This post is about me saying 'good byes' to things that have given me so much life. I will divide it into 3 parts.

First of all, I bid adieu for Surabaya. I am going to go home for good. I have spent almost 3 and a half year in Surabaya and 1 and a half in Malang. Total 5 years. The conversation was just carried in the afternoon, a day before my departure. My big boss asked me..
"How many years you have been away from home?"
"5 years working with you and 4 years for college. Total 9 years sir"
"so... what have you learned for all these years?
I answered... "I know my self better. I meet my self" As in fact, I think that confidence is everything, and you need to know yourself well to be confident in yourself.
I believe tha a person needs to go out from her/his comfort zone at least once in a lifetime to know the real taste of world. A better understanding of oneself since you will deal everything by yourself.
Indeed as one has said... "Travel far and you'll meet yourself"

Surabaya is a wonderful city. People are more civilised compared to Makassar, my home town. Compared to other cities in Indonesia in general. You can see it on the road. People know the rules. Talking about the people, they are more professional too. The hospitality in on another level. Small or big places, most of the staff has a certain level in serving. I will miss ths the most. The customer service is sincere for most cases. Second, I will miss Pecel Tumpang so much. One of the few foods that I can only find in East Java. First, I hated it, but I grew fond of it more and more. Third, I will miss seeing pork menu on public place, like food courts in some area. Many restaurants in the hotels or in certain area will serve pork.

pecel tumpang

Now, I am going to bid adieu for 2018.
It is no easy year as well, but things are getting revealed. The bads and the goods. It teaches me to see in every sides. By that, I know what I did wrong, and what I did right. I learn not to blame on oneself , and I understand not everyone is on the same level of understanding about this.2018 has another plot twisted ending, but it surely for a better thing. I cant wait about 2019. Dreams and to do list are written and I know that trust the timing...
2018 is a year full of sweet escapes, a year full of tests, a year full of heartwarming stories, another year to fight for. This year I went to Semarang in Chinese New Year, I went o Matt Maher's concert, and Project Pop!!!

August 2018

I met Rina in 2018 June

Lastly, I am going bid adieu for my 20s, in 4 months, I am going to enter 30hood with a better personality. I know what I lack, and what I am good at. I was losing my self in the beginning of 2018 because I did not trust my self. I have values that I ignored. I did not fight back because I forgot how strong I am. All the things happened in 2018 especially in December made me understand that I am strong that is why people felt intimidated, and it was not my fault.

Also, I am going to bid adieu to Blogpost. Strawbearies will be continued in Wordpress platform with more thoughtfull posts. Thank you blogpost for being a home for Strawbearies for 7 years!!!!!

For the 2019 Chendani, I will walk with my head up, but with a tied toungue to say things that are not destructive. But, I am not going to be fake because I am not. All these experiences in Java taught me to be wise with my words. This Chendani is good enough, but there is no reason why I shouldn't be better :)

So 2019...

let's do it!
CVB

Trust the Timing of Your Life

Timing is indeed everything.

Though, I don't feel that today is my day. My head felt heavy,  I had a fever, I got stressed from works, communications broke down, I travelled far to eat certain menu, but the menu is sold out. It did not feel good at all.

Timing.... I remember the Three Wise Monkeys "See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil" accusing people to just be good. This post can be counted as the next episode of my previous post of being 30, being single, and being woman. It will be from another point of view. On the previous post I talk about what people should think about my situation right now. On this post, it can be an encouragement to keep moving forward.

Sometimes, a heavy feeling came to me when I saw my newsfeed full of friends getting married, my high school friends in her 29 years old already had 2 adorable kids, I saw many romantic posts, and so on. Things that other people got looking better. But, then I realize... perhaps they too get jealous seeing my posts. Hopping on the train after buying the ticket two days before, travelling to mountains, seas, and some foreign countries. Seeing me posting about how I spent my day off in a spa. Many of my married friends did say this to me "enjoy it while you are single...".This thought came across my mind as well 'they might have a great husband or boyfriend,  but I have the coolest dad in the world where many does not have a beautiful relationship like I do with their fathers'

Thus, I dare to see no evil. What I got is as beautiful as what people got because we got different packages.

Some says positive things about me being single, some says negative things about it. More about me being a boss. As a boss, what ever you are doing, you will walk alone. That's my senior said to me, and it is indeed true. Often times, people in the office are not happy about my actions. Maybe I am too strict, maybe I am too nosy. On the other side, my boss said I am too weak, I can be stricter. So, you can imagine I got pressed between the sides, and it all happened everywhere! But hey... I got hired and was given the responsibility. So bear with it. People are appreciating me if they see the results. That happened too on my previous job. So, I have nothing to worry about. Additionally, my boss is finally acknowledging my hard working. He trusted me in the first place, and that meant a lot.Results speak louder. I am not a perfect leader, but ....

 I decided to hear no evil. Good things will be revealed. Good will wins.

As many happy newsfeed about marriage and babies, I just heard a story of my married friend. She became stressed and depressed because she is not as free as before. I mean, of course once you married, you bound to more responsibility, but her movements are literally limited. She hasn't been out almost a year by herself or with her friends because her husband tells her so. Others just got divorced. There are indeed unhappy things behind what we thought is the happy ending. Good career, marriage, babies.

In the end, I choose to speak no evil because Life is unpredictable. Everything has good and bad. It depends on what you want to see.  I let my intuition leads.

For now, I will work on what I got. I still have dreams. I still want to build a family. I know what I want to be, and don't want to be. I am telling the universe these, and let it does the magic.


Because... words are heard...

This morning, I just got a happy update from a friend who waits for her true love for almost 2 years. Finally, she got the answer she wants to hear. She decided to give up if the guy did not give her direct statement. Then the timing is come. I believe in her experince that you just need to trust the timing of your life. Make the right decisions and choices without giving up easily. Not letting fear over powered you. Not letting the evil pressed you.

Door closes, there are always other buildings to explore.
There is always a good smell on heavy rains and rainbows after that.

I am always blessed.  There are always opened paths every time I want to go for another stage.

So... yes.. once again...

Trust the Timing of Your Life..

Like a saying says...

"Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is Possible..."



Cheers
CVB

Being 30, Being Single, Being a Woman

You might have a good guess about what I am going to write. The title has stated all about it. I strangely have a feeling that I was going to be one of these women 4-5 years back then. Being 30, single, and because I am a woman, I have more stories to tell.. haha...

Stereotyping episode...
Oh people love it, and not rare that they live within it. They actually enjoy it. It is a short cut. I am not defending my self nor offending people who love assuming so much. I just want to share about my tale as a woman, in her thirty and still single. I am not stereotyping, but this is what I got a lot. What I am about to write is purely my experience and my point of view only. I did not have intention to write a whole complete essay along with research about other woman. I want to see if there are other people have had experiences like me. I might be sounded segmented, perhaps stereotyping as well, or maybe generalizing but again this is purely about my life.

"Mbak sudah kerja?" - do you work?
"Sudah berkeluarga?" - have you married?
"Oh kejar karier ya..." - oh you have chosen career path huh? when I answered I haven't married.
These are most likely the scenario I got when people are asking about me, work, and my marital status, and they would come to a conclusion that I was pursuing my career instead of getting married.
I often felt rage about it. I want to shout out to their face saying "It is not my choice that my career path seems easier than chosing a husband"
"It is not my choice that I want to stay single"
"It is not my choice to be more successful in work"
"It is all blessings..."

I am not bragging, but things are a little bit easier towards my career path than my relationship. And, I am grateful about it. I am not feeling down about it though again, society in country where I live is often giving me prejudice that I am a bit too picky and workaholic; thus, woman like me stay single. It would have been true. There's a saying that man likes if they can control their woman, or in other words, they like to be superior than their woman. I am not denying this, and I actually look forward to a man who is "more" than me. However, as the bar set high, those groups are narrowed down.
For example, I am an abroad graduate, have a good career, people would say that it could backfire me.

I have seen a video from a show called Kick Andy - Kapan Kawin "When get married"
There were three guests, they were women in their late thirties, they were all successful, one of them got married in the middle of their thirties, two others haven't been married yet. One of the guests stated this...
"I did not choose to be single, I just haven't found the right person, and it seems my career path is just more compromising"
It was a show from three years ago. It was my "Halelujah" moment. I screamed out loud in my heart agreeing what she said. Therefore, I want to share it with you. I am about to turn thirty less than a year. I am still single, and I have a good career path for only 5 years working. I am not ashamed about it. I am writing this because I am so sick about what people think about woman who is succesful in their career but they haven't been married.

Kick Andy, copyright

The next scenario followed is "You are too picky" episode.
Oh come on...
It might be more a fact that I turn out a little bit too picky. I turned down guys who wanted to approach me before they asked me out for a date if I dont see we would match.I am not looking for a guy based on their economy status, I am not looking for a guy who is abroad graduate, I simply look somebody that matches me and in one frequency with me. Match my quirkiness and appreciate my independence. I might be too independent, many people have said to me that it is why men are afraid to approach me. I am not denying that it my be the truth. However, girls should not change to match the certain criteria of what boy likes. My ex was one of the examples that girl should not change their personality for people to like them. We went out together because he appreciated my independence and we even were in long distance relationship. It did not work because of other matters.
I remember a movie quote - Sabtu Bersama Bapak - One of the characters said
"perlu dua orang yang sama-sama kuat untuk bisa bersama dan menjalani kehidupan pernikahan"
Needs two strong people together so they can live their marriage life, and I couldn't agree more.

Sabtu bersama Bapak, copyright

I value all cultures since I have lived in different places, different countries, met a lot of people from different cultures. However, one of things that I still hardly tolerate is the strong assumption and this whole stereotyping. I know the world cannot change in one night, but I just want to express my self in this writing. Saying, that I am a woman, I am single, I am thirty years old, I have a good career, and I don't choose to be one, but it is all just by His grace. And, I am thankful for the way it is.

To all the girls out there who experience the similar situation with me, please don't be discourage. Keep the bar within your range. The right person will come in the right time. Open heart, open mind, embrace those who acknowledge your independence, your beauty, and your knowledge.

Once Dian Sastrowardoyo has said...
"The sexiest organ a woman has, is brain..."

I am in the stage where I am not afraid to be single. I do know my self that I want somebody who can be my life witness as I am going to be his life witness as well.

Geez people, stop judging.


CVB

Marking my 5 Years!!!

My last post was in February, works have been occupying me for months. I think this is the right time to get back to the game. However, I am thinking to transmittingmy personal blog to wordpress platform as well. I have been writing in blogspot for 7 years! wow. Anyhow, please enjoy this story about me and my relationship withmy job.
I have been creating this post for many many times in my head. I just think I want to share about what I am actually doing. People may or may have not known what I am actually doing for living. I can say I am a student consultant. A person who consults people studying abroad. Which country is good for long term stay, which major I should attend, how much living cost to spend, the visa process, and et cetera... Sometimes, I take part as a family consultant. Not rarely, that my clients are becoming my long term friend. Maybe I took my job too personal sometimes, but in the end, I have been doing this for five solid years.
This job is actually more than just a consultation. I can go to another country for agent convocations, familiarize trips to universities, meeting another student consultant from another country. Get free stuff, from pens, notes, tumbler, USB to clutch. I can meet a lot of people from different country, and learn to be professional. Handling priority clients. But, as any newbie, I started roughly. I had a hard time to tune in for about 6 months, but slowly I could climb up and here I am writing to you in my fifth year working.

Not imagining that I can be where I am since I started to move to Surabaya in 2013.
This August marking my 5 years living and working here. Started from scratch as a student consultant. Undeniably annoying new comer, spoiled little brat, low in sales, climbed up little by little and be the second best consultants  in the end of my second year working, I could be the best consultant if I did not focus on other thing. In the end of my second year,  I was promoted to another city to open a new branch.. I moved to Malang in 2015, opening a new branch there. Again, started from zero. No marketing events, only one other consultant, no car, no driver, only one small room in another office. Surviving for almost two years without marketing events, door to door to schools. Took me 4 or 5 months until the teachers finally recognized me as Chendani from Vista. Working as a scanner, a consultant, admission, administrative officer, and driver, and occasionally a manager. Had the best two duos that made us The STRONG Tiga Srikandi.
My life has not be just as quiet as I wished, I was called back to the head quarter branch for managing the dying office. Working and battling to climb up the stairs once again, now with the whole team. Bruised, falling down, tackled, mentally broken, but again... I survived. And here I am... as a center manager in the head quarter office.
Me and my job is love and hate relationship. There are times when I went back home and said to my self "ohhh I love my job," but there is also other time when I felt too lazy to go to work. I know I have to go to work wih a load of responsibility on my shoulders. I need to work it out so it does no feel like a burden. Facing a series of dynamic personalities, encounter many smiles and frowns, facing a lot of regulations, and yet I go to that damn office every day for 5 blessing yeas haha....

I really do in love with this job. Consultation is always exciting. You can feel it is like a first blind date. You can feel connected immediately or not. Then, you schedue the second meeting, and you have to be in contact for over a year before the kid goes to school. And when you hear no news about them meaning it is a good news .There are few of those who will send you farewell or thank you message along with cookies in a jar, or a simple gift before they leave pursuing their dream. I think I have a cool job.

I secretly enjoy whenever I need to wear my red heels and black blazer for an event in five star hotels. People would be swarming in, and I would talk for over 5 hours almost nonstop hahaha.. Exhausting but thrilling at the same time. I am now inthe position where I usually got invited to more important events with immigration, a country delegation, or schools director. Also because I am stationed in the head quarter, I oftenly got to greet my big boss' guests. It makes me practice my hospitality.
Working as a student consultant is aint easy. You hold half of responsiility for one's future. It is not only a sales working, but it is indeed a consultation, sometimes consolotaion, and it is all about confidence. My confident is the one that people buy.

Holding my confidence high is another story. There were many times I felt down. I felt insecure. Did I do a good job? Did I do a right thing? I sometimes questioned my self. However, I am thankful for this journey because it was never static. I was always moving. Climbing up step by step. Finally these past months I just realize, oh wow I am considered as a senior here. People could rely on me, on my decision, on my saying.
I am not perfect, there were times people questioned about me, but there were a few of those who kept faith in me; thus, I am here telling you proudly that I have ben surviving for 5 blessing years.

Happy anniversary to me.
Good Job little survivor.

Thank you for you who talk bad behind my back, kicking my insecurity so I can do beter
Thank you for those who listen to me so I can survive
Thank you for those who trust me... so I can trust my self too.

Thank you
CVB

Dibalik Retina - Chinese New Year 2018

It is a strange feeling to see all those reds emerged with the whole other colors, other race, other religions, in the place where incents are burned, and one particular ethnicity is praying.
Pink, blue, orange, black hijabs and kaftans are around Sam Poo Kong temple in Semarang. Chinese classic songs were sang in a rock style out loud while other people were praying intensely for a good year ahead. Trashes, ashes are all over the places.

I have a mixed feeling about this. As always. I felt great seeing other religions from other races were coming to a place where they were not originally belong to celebrate what they originally not celebrating. Some of them were wearing red colors too even a barongsai head on top of their hijab. Nevertheless, my heart felt a bit sad when seeing those people who were praying intensely while everybody else was taking selfies or sat seeing them praying like I did. I was walking around and took some pictures of them praying. What more sad about it, the statue of gods were sat by children and plastic bottles were put or even thrown carelessly around the statues like they were only statues.

Still, I am impressed. Those litters, those people were not hiding the beauty of the temple and the sacred place. I was noted that people still had some respect to not sitting in the prayer area, and not chatty while they were praying. I could see that this is good enough for us Indonesian. Scenery like this was not seen often in other place. It still left me a good thought that tolerance still here where different races and religions were being united as one.

In the end of the day, I thought I made a good decision to come to Semarang on Chinese New Year.

Happy Chinese New Year 2018 every one...
May many good things are coming to this year.

CVB

Good Habits Revival

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!!!!
It's been a week.... I am totally feeling it, everything starts pretty fresh.
I could finally tidy my room up after a year! YES! A YEAR!

I have been living in a semi cow den, everything is clustered around. I finally make my "dream come true" by tiding it up. My excuse last year was definitely - no mood - excuse. I was so immersed by stuff that I did not know what was it exactly. This year, after having a very good 10 days vacation back home. I can say, I find the rhythm again.

I chose to put the title as above because I think that new year is not just about new things. We should not just list all the new things we want to do; indeed, it is a new start, but we could start with reviving our good deeds alive. I am in my late 20s, next year I will enter the glorious 30s, and I am somewhat excited about it.
Nevertheless, this new year makes me halt a little bit, and think back that I have done pretty well in some parts of my life. I was able to finish school finely within one and a half year after a devastated two and half year earlier. I could lose weight about 12 kg within 7 months. I could save up to good certain amount of money back in 2014-2015. I could survive without using my credit card. I could go swimming every day. I could do the house chores without failing, tidying up my room and bathroom. Fixed my own breakfast happily. I could produce good reviews in my other blog regularly. But, honestly, in 2017, everything was falling apart. My problem was I did not put good amount of energy to these positive things; instead, I used it for surviving every day. And oh... phone. I put away my phone for a while. Instagram and Pinterest consumed too much of my time.

In the end of 2017, I did well, I survived, but just did not achieve what I aimed. I know that I could do these good habits, I could achieve what I aim. Therefore, by the beginning of January 2018, especially this weekend, I finally did it. I am building up a good old habit by simply tidy my room and bed up. Get rid of "garbage." I cleaned every spot in my room, and made a promise to my self to keep this up till it becomes a habit. Same with financial and weight things. I gained too much for the past year, it almost reached the same weight when I was "the fattest." Stress did a lot of part in it, and lack of exercise of course. In the middle of 2017, I did well in maintaining my weight, I even had a toned body for several months. Those holidays and stress flushed it away. haha.

Anyway, here is y simple top 5 things in 2018 that I want to do as my habit. It is more like reviving my good old habit.
1. Morning Glory Habit: fix my bed, having a good breakfast
2. Swimming more regularly
3. Saving up regularly every single month
4. Cleaning up every week
5. Say Grace every day.





Simply cliche, but trust me, it will work. It will give you a lot of positive sides to have a routine in your life.
These days, I have been thinking about bad and good habit of oneself. I see trough the older people and younger people. Why do some older people seem do not learn from their mistakes? Why do some older people keep their bad habit? As I learned psychology as my major, I knew that personality cannot be changed, but it can be added. Thus, while I know what I did wrong, I want to change and keep growing. Maybe, when I am older, I could be that annoying lady, or I can gracefully grow older. Be wiser. I chose to be the later one.

I did well for #28GoingStrong.
I begin 2018 with this hashtag - #RoadtoFabs30. Being 30 is not something that I should be ashamed with. For many people, 30 is their fabulous turning point. I chose to embrace 30 with grateful heart and purer heart. And may I add, a little more sexy body. haha. oh well, we will see what will come out by this end of this year.

2018 Goals
1. Be relax, and keep forward
2. No proscatination
3. Save up more
4. More discipline
5, Financially more independent

All in all, my future goal is not something extravagant. I just want to grow old gracefully and wisely.

I hope we all chose the right things to do while we do have time.

CVB

Thanksgiving Note - #28GoingStrong

Hey you little survivor,
Congratulations for being alive and live to this very moment. I know this year is began with some darkest cloud towards in the middle of the year, but you are still surviving, and not neglecting life. Thank you for fighting even though you fell, got pushed, and alone
, you still woke up. Bruised, but keep going.

Thank you for the lit in your heart that you keep holding no matter how big the wind blows, you still have that light of faith. That everything will be OK.

Hey you little survivor,
I am grateful that you are not giving up even if you actually can give up.
I am grateful that you are still faithfully believe in me, and still in love with me.
I am grateful that you are back to your true self after all the things happened to you.
I am grateful that you are being you...

Sincerely,
Life...

#attitudeforgratitute

CVB